Valentine Days Jokes!After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said. That evening the husband came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it -- to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."
For unmarried only: Happy Independence Day.
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts!
What do you call a very small Valentine? A Valentiny!
What is the most romantic city in England? Loverpool!
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand.
Knock, Knock! Who's there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you!
Knock, knock! Who's there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you!
What is a vampire's sweetheart called? His ghoul-friend.
What did one bell say to the other? "Be my Valenchime!"
You know what I did before I married Anything I wanted to.
What did the light bulb say to the switch? You turn me on.
What did the stamp say to the envelope? I'm stuck on you.
What did one monster say to the other? "Be my Valenslime!"
hat would you call a woman who goes out with Jon? Desperate!
What did one fir tree say to the other? "Be my Valenpine!"
What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? Forget-me-nuts.
What did the stamp say to the envelope? A: I'm stuck on you.
What would you call a woman who goes out with Jon? Desperate!
Did Adam and Eve ever have a date? No, but they had an apple.
What did the light bulb say to the switch? A: You turn me on.
What's red and white and swims in the ocean? A valentine cod!
What did the pencil say to the paper? "I dot my i's on you!"
What travels around the world but stays in one corner? A stamp.
What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? A: Forget-me-nuts.
What is a ram's favourite song? I only have eyes for ewe, dear
Here's to love - the only fire for which there is no insurance.
Your money gets transferred faster than lightning When you marry.
What did the elephant say to his girlfriend? "I love you a ton!"
What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend? "Be my valenstein!"
Knock, knock! Who's there? Alec. Alec who? Alec to kiss your face!
What did one piece of string say to the other? "Be my valentwine!"
Did you hear the one about the phoney Cupid? He was totally bow-gus!
Bachelors should pay more taxes, they enjoy a better quality of life.
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day? Hog and kisses!
What did one mannequin say to the other? "I'm warm for your form!"
What did one pickle say to the other? "You mean a great dill to me."
Things Not to Say on Your Valentine's Date: I like clay. It's mushy.
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day? Hogs and kisses!
What did one light bulb say to the other? "I love you a whole watt!"
What did the boy pig say to the girl pig? "I'm hog wild about you!"
When do you congratulate someone for their mistake. On their marriage.
If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her? Antelope.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. ~ Henny Youngman
Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day? Sure, they're very scent-imental!
My wife told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.
What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day? Ughs and kisses!
What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine's Day? Cauliflowers!
Knock knock! Who's there? Howard Howard who? Howard you like a big kiss?
What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream? "I'm sweet on you!"
What happened when the two tennis players met? It was lob at first sight!
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because it couldn't get a date.
Cosmetics: A woman's way of keeping a man from reading between the lines.
Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute
What did the paper clip say to the magnet? "I find you very attractive."
What did the painter say to her boyfriend? "I love you with all my art!"
Knock knock! Who'e there? Frank Frank who? Frank you for being my friend!
What did the boy owl say to the girl owl on Valentine's Day? Owl be yours!
What happens when you fall in love with a French chef? You get buttered up.
Knock knock! Who'e there? Frank. Frank who? Frank you for being my friend!
My wife and I always compromise; I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
What did the bat say to his girlfriend? "You're fun to hang around with."
What would you get it you crossed Odie with the God of love? A stupid cupid!
Worst thing you can say on a first date: Wait till my wife hears about this!
Mafia Valentine Day Cards: Be my Valentine, and we can do it execution-style.
What would you get if you crossed Cupid with a baseball player? A glover boy!
What happened when the two angels got married? They lived harpily ever after!
Knock, knock Who's there? Pooch. Pooch who? Pooch your arms around me, baby!
Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy? It was Valenswine's Day!
What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine's Day? I Love Ewe!
Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend? She didn't suit his taste!
What does a man who loves his car do on February 14? He gives it a valenshine!
What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine's Day? I'm stuck on you!