Travel Jokes!This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So, remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable: A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome! So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?" "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste." "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump." "We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it." A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome. "It was wonderful!" exclaimed the woman, "Not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the owner's suite at no extra charge!" "Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me." "Oh, really! What'd he say?" He said: "Who fucked up your hair?"
Just realized today that I am a doctor.......I've seen so many A-holes on the road that I qualify as a proctologist!
Car company names: BMW: Bought My Wife
Car company names: BMW: Big Money Works
"Last one off the plane must clean it."
Car company names: GM: General Maintenance
Car company names: VW: Virtually Worthless
Car company names: BMW: Brutal Money Waster
Car company names: FORD: Found On Road, Dead
Car company names: FORD: Fix Or Repair Daily
Car company names: GMC: Garage Man's Companion
Tower: Cannot read you, say again! Pilot: Again!
Car company names: HONDA: Had One Never Did Again
Car company names: DODGE: Dumb Old Dirty Gas Eater
Car company names: FORD: Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Fun things to do while driving: Wear a Chicken suit.
Car company names: SAAB: Send Another Automobile Back
Car company names: HONDA: Hated Old Noisy Damaged Auto
Car company names: AUDI: All Un-informed Drivers Insulted
Car company names: AUDI: All Unnecessary Devices Installed
Car company names: AUDI: Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
Fun things to do while driving: Stop and collect roadkill.
Car company names: VOLVO: Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
Car company names: AUDI: Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Car company names: DODGE: Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
Car company names: BUICK: Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer
Car company names: MAZDA: Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
Car company names: TOYOTA: Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
Car company names: HONDA: Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else.
You Know You Are In The Desert When: You can make instant sun tea.
Fun things to do while driving: Keep at least five cats in the car.
LH741: Tower, give me a rough time check. Tower: It's Thursday, Sir.
You'll Know It's a No-Frills Airline If: No movie. Don't need one.
Fun things to do while driving: Stop at the green lights. Go at red ones.
You Know You Are In The Desert When: Hot water now comes out of both taps.
Favorite Driving Habits: Overtaking then pulling in front and slowing down.
Pilot: Tower, please call me a fuel truck. Tower: Roger. You are a fuel truck.
You Know You Are In The Desert When: You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
What's the difference between God and pilots? God doesn't think he is a pilot.
Favorite Driving Habits: Picking your nose and believing that no-one can see you.
You'll Know It's a No-Frills Airline If: Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.
Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not? Pilot: Yes. Tower: Yes what? Pilot: Yes, SIR!
Car company names: HYUNDAI: Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive?
You'll Know It's a No-Frills Airline If: They don't sell tickets, they sell chances.
Favorite Driving Habits: Indicating to move into a lane that you're already half way in.
You Know It's a "No Frills" Airline When...They don't sell tickets, they sell chances.
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.
You Know You Are In The Desert When: The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
You'll Know It's a No-Frills Airline If: All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.
Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? The survivors were marooned.
Signs you made a bad airline choice: Jumper Cables are dangling from the door to the cockpit.
Signs you made a bad airline choice: The Ground Crew are seen using pennies to check tyre wear
You Know It's a "No Frills" Airline When...All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.
Things You Don't Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A. System: Ummmmmm....Sorry......(silence)
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
Favorite Driving Habits: Falling asleep at the wheel, just in time for the lights to turn green.
Signs You Made A Bad Choice For A Motel: Your wake up call comes courtesy of a police helicopter
Favorite Driving Habits: Sharing whatever is on your car stereo with anyone within a mile radius.
You Know You Are In The Desert When: You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
You'll Know It's a No-Frills Airline If: All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.
Signs you made a bad airline choice: The air sickness bags have the Lord's Prayer printed on them.
You'll Know It's a No-Frills Airline If: When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.
Tower: What's your heigth and position? Pilot: Well, I'm 6 foot tall and I'm sitting front left.
What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche? The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
You Know It's a "No Frills" Airline When...When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.
You Know It's a "No Frills" Airline When...All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.
Favorite Driving Habits: Not realising that there is any other setting for your lights than high beam.
You'll Know It's a No-Frills Airline If: You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.
Tower: Delta Fox Alpha, hold position, Marshall will park you. Pilot: Roger. Looking out for John Wayne.
Signs You Made A Bad Choice For A Motel: The mint on the pillow starts moving when you come close to it.
Tower: You have traffic at ten o'clock, six miles! Pilot: Give us another hint, we have digital watches!
Tower: Delta Zulu Romeo, turn right now and report your heading. Pilot: Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345...
Car company names: OLDSMOBILE: Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Every day.
You Know It's a "No Frills" Airline When...You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.