Sex Jokes!How to tell if your Viagra is working: You begin to think your mother in law is pretty.
Murphy's Law in Sex: Before unsafe sex, think to yourself what the kids will look like!
Did you hear about the guy who died of Viagra overdose? They couldn't close his casket!
Why did dinosaurs have sex under water? You try to keep five hundred pounds of pussy wet!
How do you know when you are getting old? When you start having dry dreams and wet farts!
Why did god give men penises? So they'd always have at least one way to shut a woman up!
How do you make a snooker table laugh. Put your hands in its pocket and tickle its balls!
Why do men pay more for car insurance? Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving!
How do you teach a blond math? Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her!
Why do women have arms? Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK a bathroom clean?
Why does it take longer to build a blond snowman? Because you have to hollow the head out!
Murphy's Law in Sex: Douse penis liberally with D-Con roach spray before penetrating ape!
What do you do with 365 used rubbers? Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear!
How do you get four old ladies to shout "Fuck"? Get a fifth old lady to shout "Bingo!"
What's a virgin and a balloon have in common? All it takes is one prick and its all over!
What is the smallest hotel in the world? A pussy, cause you have to leave the bags outside!
How to tell if your Viagra is working: Sunbathing nude outside standing: Birds perch on it.
Murphy's Law in Sex: Safe sex: To prevent radiation exposure, use only lead-based condoms!
What two words will clear out a men's changing room quicker than anything else? Nice dick!
What's the best thing about marrying a woman with leprosy? She can only give you lip once!
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast? They're hiring!
How many newspapers can a woman hold between her legs? One Post, two Globes, and many Times!
What's the biggest fish in the world? A whore, if you catch one you can eat her for months!
How are men like noodles? They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough!
Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS? They can't get the laboratory mice to arse fuck!
Did you know 70% of the gay population were born that way? The other 30% were sucked into it.
What's the definition of a Yankee? Same thing as a ''quickie'', only you do it yourself!
What Bill Gates' wife says him when they make love? Bill, you are so MICRO, you are so SOFT!
How do you know a man is really a bad dancer? When he can still step on Dolly Parton's toes!
Did you know 70% of the gay population were born that way? The other 30% were sucked into it!
Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable? She wanted to mount the horse her way!
What did the elephant say to the naked man? "How do you breath through something so small?"
What is the definition of "making love"? Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her!
Pussy Versus Beer: Wearing a condom does not make a beer any less enjoyable. Advantage: Beer.
Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS? They can't get the laboratory mice to arse fuck.
Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable? She wanted to mount the horse her way.
How are men like noodles? They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
How can you tell if you are in a gay amusement park? They issue gerbils at the tunnel of love.
Pussy Versus Beer: 24 beers come in a box. A pussy is a box you can come in. Advantage: Pussy.
What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory? Two test tickles!
What's the difference between the San Diego Padres and a Prostitute? Nothing, they both suck!
How can you tell if you are in a gay amusement park? They issue gerbils at the tunnel of love!
Bedroom Golf Rules: Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.
Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients? They hid their own eggs!
What does a woman's asshole do when she is having an orgasm? He is usually home with the kids!
Did ya hear about the new "morning after" pill for men? It works by changing your blood type!
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys 2 cases of beer instead of one!
What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say when clients are leaving? Thanks for coming!
What is the only game in which the more you lose, the more you have to show for it? Strip Poker
Did you hear about the hooker that had herappendix taken out?Now she does business on the side!
Murphy's Law in Sex: Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got!
What did one tit say to the other? I hope we get support soon or people will think we're nuts!
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts!
How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count? If the girl has to chew, before she swallows!