Sex Jokes!What's the noisiest thing in the world? Two skeletons having sex on a tin roof!
What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out? A lesbian with a hard-on!
What's the hardest thing about a sex change operation? Inserting the anchovies.
What's the difference between big foot and your mom? Your mom is better in bed!
What's a necrophiliac's biggest complaint about sex? They just kinda lay there!
Why do female skydivers wear jock straps? So they don't whistle on the way down!
What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to use it.
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil!
How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex? One of his fingers is clean!
What did the potato chip say to the battery? If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay!
Why are roach clips called roach clips? Because "pot holder" was already taken!
What's a necrophiliac's biggest complaint about sex? They just kinda lay there.
Why did the gay guy think his lover was cheating on him? He came home shit faced!
What's the definition of eternity? The time between when you cum and she leaves!
What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to use it!
How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist? A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs!
What do you call a female police officer that shaves her pubic hair? Cunt Stubble!
Why don't witches wear panties when flying on their broomsticks? Better traction!
What do you call it when a 90 year old man masturbates successfully? Miracle whip!
What's the only animal with an asshole in the middle of its back? A police horse!
How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself? He's smoking a cigarette!
How to tell if your Viagra is working: Lewinsky wants you to be president someday.
Why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell!
How can you tell if a novel is homosexual? The hero always gets his man in the end!
Did you hear Cher is joining the spice girls? They're going to call her Old Spice!
What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders? A scrotum pole!
What does Popeye do to keep his favorite tool from rusting? Sticks it in Olive Oyl!
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The position of the dirt bag!
Why don't Canadians have group sex? Too many thank-you letters to write afterward!
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use some lubricant!
How can you tell if a novel is homosexual? The hero always gets his man in the end.
How to tell if your Viagra is working: Your face is very pale due to lack of blood.
What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster? A cock that stays up all night!
Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any!
What do a dildo and soy beans have in common? They are both used as substitute meat!
What does parsley and pubic hair have in common? Push it aside and keep on eating...
Did you hear about the gay guy that's on the patch? He's down to four butts a day!
What did the banana say to the vibrator? Why are you shaking she's going to eat me!
Why don't Canadians have group sex? Too many thank-you letters to write afterwards.
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg? They don't stop for directions!
What's soft and warm when you go to bed, but hard and stiff when you wake up? Vomit!
Why is it called a Wonder Bra? When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went!
Why does the bride always wear white? Well aren't all kitchen appliances that color?
What's the difference between medium and rare? 6 inches is medium, 8 inches is rare!
What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't? A navel!
What's the ultimate rejection? When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep!
Why didn't the cross-eyed seamstress ever get a period? She couldn't mend straight!
What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper? Getting fingered by Captain Hook!
What is the Difference Between Pussy and Apple Pie? You can eat your mom's apple pie!
What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats? Cowboy hats are for ass holes!
What do you get when you cross a hooker with a systems engineer? A fuckin know-it-all!
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them!
Why don't little girls fart? Because they don't get assholes until they're married!
Pussy Versus Beer: The government taxes beer. There is no pussy tax. Advantage: Pussy.
Pussy Versus Beer: A beer is always wet. A pussy needs encouragement. Advantage: Beer.
Pussy Versus Beer: If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible. Advantage: Beer.
Murphy's Law in Sex: If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow!