Sex Jokes!Two prostitutes, after Christmas holidays: What did you ask Santa Claus to give you? Hundred dollars, as usual!
How are women and tornadoes alike? They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave!
Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? When the kids are in college!
Good: Your son has a serious relationship. Bad: The relationship is with a man. Very bad: With your best friend!
What is the difference between great literature and pornography? Literature is frequently dusty but rarely dirty!
Why do women stop bleeding when entering the menopause? Because they need all the blood for their varicose veins!
Reasons For Being Fired From Toys 'R' Us: Got caught doing your Dolly Parton impression with basketballs again.
Valentines Day poems: I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny, So right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!
Ben & Jerry's New Presidential (Clinton) Flavor: Draft-Dodging Pot-Smoking Intern-Nailing Raspberry Swirl Vanilla
What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy? A red headed bitch with a yeast infection!
What's the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz cracker? Ones a snack cracker, and the others a crack snacker!
What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common? There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same!
Signs Your Online Relationship Isn't Working Out: You discover that she has been cutting and pasting her orgasms.
Pussy Versus Beer: Peeling labels off of beers is fun. Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun. Advantage: Pussy.
How to tell if your Viagra is working: Everyone at the bank, grocery, etc... lets you go to the front of the line.
Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms? They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman!
Signs Your Online Relationship Isn't Working Out: You: Large, hairy man. Your online girlfriend: Large, hairy man.
Reasons For Being Fired From Toys 'R' Us: The "My Little Taxidermy Kit" (with starter squirrel) is not selling.
A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in fifth grade. Who has the biggest tits? The blonde, because she's 18!
Valentines Day poems: I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.
A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in fifth grade. Who has the biggest tits? The blonde, because she's 18.
Reasons For Being Fired From Toys 'R' Us: Impromptu demonstrations of why Malibu Ken is not anatomically correct.
What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock? You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant? The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm...
Good: You are explaining to your daughter about birds and bees. Bad: She interrupts you. Very bad: And corrects you!
A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it. The thief was spending less then his wife.
Pussy Versus Beer: Buy too much beer and you will get fat. Buy too much pussy and you will get poor. Advantage: Draw
What's black and white and comes in little cans? What's black and white and comes in little cans? Michael Jackson!
Valentines Day poems: Before I met you, my heart was so famished, But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!
Reasons For Being Fired From Toys 'R' Us: You got caught adding a garage to your house using embezzled Lego bricks.
What does a bull do to stay warm on a bitterly cold day? He goes into the barn and slips into a nice warm "Jersey!"
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera? Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time!
Reasons For Being Fired From Toys 'R' Us: Regardless of the question, you answer, "Bite me, kid -- I'm on break."
What's the difference between a Trisket and a lesbian? A Trisket is a snack cracker and a lesbian is a crack snacker!
Two girls: - Which is the best contraceptive? An aspirin. Take an aspirin, put it between the knees and keep it tight!
Pussy Versus Beer: Good beer: Guinness, Sam Adams, New Castle. Good pussy: Almost all but the above. Advantage: Pussy.
Bedroom Golf Rules: Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.
What did the egg say to the boiling water? "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago!"
If your mother and father have a baby and its not your sister or your brother, who is it? It's you, you fucking idiot!
Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women? When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there!
Man, I wish they wouldn't make those Viagra pills so big. One got stuck in my throat and I had a stiff neck for 2 weeks.
Why did Raggedy Anne get thrown out of the toy box? Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face moaning, "Lie to me!"
Did you hear about the guy on the special diet of prune juice and Viagra? He didn't know whether he was coming or going!
Murphy's Law in Sex: The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings!
Reasons For Being Fired From Toys 'R' Us: Source of reefer smoke finally traced to "nostrils" of Geoffrey the Giraffe.
Which is the odd one out a woman, a microwave or a fridge/freezer? The microwave, the other two leak when they're fucked!
Signs Your Online Relationship Isn't Working Out: "Returned mail: User unknown and never wants to hear from you again."
Signs Your Online Relationship Isn't Working Out: Your cyber-lover is just too busy editing that silly little Top 5 List.
What does Viagra and a Hoover Dirt Devil have in common? They both provide you with upright power in the palm of your hand.
Who can make more money in a week, a drug dealer or a prostitute? The prostitute because she can wash and resell her crack!
Murphy's Law in Sex: Safe sex: Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then buy the crack directly!
What's the difference between exotic and psychotic? Exotic is wearing a French tickler, psychotic is wearing French toast!
Who makes more money, a drug dealer or a prostitute? A prostitute, because she can always wash her crack, and sell it again!
Did you hear about the two poofters who went to London? They were REALLY pissed off when they found out Big Ben was a clock.
Murphy's Law in Sex: Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last!
Did you hear about the two poofters who went to London? They were REALLY pissed off when they found out Big Ben was a clock!
Murphy's Law in Sex: Safe sex: You CAN get it from kissing... tear out partner's tongue before any mouth-to-mouth contact!