Sex Jokes!How to tell if your Viagra is working: You can make drawings in the sand without having to find a stick.
Bedroom Golf Rules: Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
Valentines Day poems: You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie, I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".
Pussy Versus Beer: Beer can make you see the porcelain God. Pussy can make you see God. Advantage: Pussy
What does Disney World and Viagra have in common? They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride!
Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? He died laughing before he could tell anybody!
Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow? So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor!
What's the difference between sin and shame? It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out!
What is the definition of the perfect woman? A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub!
Husband: Ohhh, you are wonderfully tight tonight darling! Wife: Get that big hairy thing out of my navel!
What's the difference between a woman and a freezer? A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What's the difference between a 'Spice Girls' video and a porn video? The porn video has better music!
What is the definition of a perfect lover? A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.
Pussy Versus Beer: A beer tastes horrible served hot. A pussy tastes better served hot. Advantage: Pussy.
Valentines Day poems: Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.
How do you tell if a chick's too fat to fuck? When you pull her pants down and her ass is still in them!
What goes: "CLICK -is that it? CLICK -is that it? CLICK -is that it?" A blind person with a Rubix Cube!
What do you get when you cross a rooster and peanut butter? A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth!
What is the definition of a perfect lover? A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears!
What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys? We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving!
Did you hear about the two gay guys that had an argument in the bar? They went outside to exchange blows!
Why can't women read maps? Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a mile!
Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring? He decided to stick it out for one more year!
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking? They already have boyfriends!
Bedroom Golf Rules: Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
Good: Your wife is pregnant. Bad: She is expecting triplets. Very bad: You were sterilized five years ago!
What happens when you kiss a canary? You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease!
Murphy's Law in Sex: Make sure all open sores on penis have thoroughly dried and scabbed over before use!
How do you know when your wife is really dead? Your sex life is the same but your washing pile gets bigger!
Why did god create Adam before he created eve? Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam!
How to tell if your Viagra is working: You like to sleep on your back, so you had to remove the ceiling fan
Bedroom Golf Rules: Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls.
Pussy Versus Beer: The best pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it. Advantage: Pussy.
Pussy Versus Beer: If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not disgusted. Advantage: Pussy
Pussy Versus Beer: The worst pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it. Advantage: Beer.
A man trying to find a woman's clit is a lot like playing hide and seek. One gets bored and just pops out.
What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common? They can both smell it, but can't eat it!
Valentines Day poems: Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass.
Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed? Yeah...now he has no ears!
What is the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot? Men will spend two hours searching for a golf ball!
Pussy Versus Beer: If you change to another beer, your old brand will gladly have you back. Advantage: beer.
What do women and police cars have in common? They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming!
What is the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion? At a hockey game you see fast pucks!
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak!
What proof do we have that prostitution is recession-proof? Everyone knows that hookers thrive on hard times!
Why do Santa and Mrs. Claus have no children? Because Santa only cums once a year and that's down a chimney!
What's the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin? You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week!
Why do women stop bleeding when entering menopause? Because they need all the blood for their varicose veins!
Did you hear about the new Exorcist Movie? They got the Devil to come in to take the Priest out of the child!
Valentines Day poems: I bought this Valentine's card at the store, In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.
Did you hear about the new Exorcist Movie? They got the Devil to come in to take the Priest out of the child.
What is the difference between the Goodyear tires and 365 used condoms? 365 used condoms are a very good year!
Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat? They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you!
Did you hear that the new and politically correct name for "lesbian". It has been changed to "vagitarian!"
What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together? 100 people who don't do dick!
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you!
Did you hear that the new and politically correct name for "lesbian". It has been changed to "vagitarian".
Signs Your Online Relationship Isn't Working Out: She's suddenly changed her address to email@example.com