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When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards." He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."
Borodin nothing to do!
A harp is a nude piano.
Oxymoron - snare drum music.
Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.
What's half of a tuba? A one-ba!
Musical Terms: Fine: That was great!
"Three Rows And You're Out"
Definitions: ad libitum: a premiere.
Musical Terms: Clausula: Mrs. Santa.
What's a tuba for? 1 1/2 X 3 1/2.
Definitions: allegro: leg fertilizer.
Musical Terms: Supertonic: Schweppes.
What's worse than a banjo? Banjos.
"Play An Accordion, Go To Jail"
Musical Terms: Ad Libitum: A premiere.
Musical Terms: Allegro: Leg fertilizer.
Definitions: Ducita: a lot of mallards.
Musical Terms: Accidentals: Wrong notes.
Definitions: Clausula: Mrs. Santa Claus.
Musical Terms: Tutti: A lot of sackbuts.
Musical Terms: Trope: A malevolent Neum.
Definitions: minnesinger: a boy soprano.
Musical Terms: Opus: A penguin in Kansas.
How do you tune two tubas? You shoot one!
Musical Terms: Neums: Renaissance midgets
Not Blues colors: - violet - beige - mauve.
Definitions: relative minor: a girlfriend.
Gone Chopin, have Liszt, Bach in a Minuet.
Who won the drummer beauty contest? Nobody.
Rules for Bands: Don't hire a publicist.
You can sing the Blues if: you're blind.
Definitions: lamentoso: with handkerchiefs.
Musical Terms: Rackett: Capped reeds class.
What makes music on your head? A head band!
Musical Terms: Quaver: Beginning viol class.
Definitions: chansons de geste: dirty songs.
Blues colors: - blue - brown - black - rusty
Musical Terms: Sancta: Clausula's husband.
Musical Terms: Ritornello: An opera by Verdi.
How do you get em out? Throw in a bar of soap
What's a tuba for? 1-1/2" by 3-1/2".
Definitions: diatonic: low-calorie Schweppes.
Musical Terms: Lamentoso: With handkerchiefs.
Definitions: metronome: a city-dwelling dwarf.
Definitions: tenor: two hours before a nooner.
Musical Terms: Chansons de geste: Dirty songs.
How does a violist's brain cell die? Alone.
Musical Terms: Countertenor: A singing waiter.
Who makes the best Viola mutes? Smith & Wesson.
What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool.
Definitions: tempo: good choice for a used car.
What is the longest viola joke? Harold in Italy.
How do you fix a broken tuba? With a tuba glue.
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
What do you call a deaf oboe player? Principal.
Musical Terms: Da capo al fine: I like your hat!
What has forty feet and sings? The school choir!
Music is the only sensual pleasure without vice.
What did the drummer get on his SAT test? Drool.
You can't sing the Blues if: you wear a suit.
How do you tune four oboes? Shoot three of them.
Definitions: augmented fifth: a 36-ounce bottle.
You can't sing the Blues if: you have an IRA.
What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test? Drool.
What do you call a good flute section? Impossible
Definitions: Male quartet: three men and a tenor.
What did the bagpiper get on his I.Q. test? Drool.
How do you make him stop playing? Put notes on it!
Glossary of Musical Terms: ALLEGRO: Leg fertilizer
Where can you find a good drummer? In the cemetery
What is a chord? Three violists playing in unison.
Musical Terms: Augmented fifth: A 36-ounce bottle.


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