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Mexican Jokes!

I was playing Uno with some Mexicans the other day and had to stop because they kept stealing all the green cards!
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says........"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk." "Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon." With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... every imaginable kind of cured pork. "Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree." "Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget." "Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree." And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath, "Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!" "Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it?" "Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees, Ees, Ees, Ees...Ees a ham bush."
What do you call sex with a Mexican? Rape!
What do you call a pregnant Mexican? Bean bag!
What do you call a Mexican hitchhiker? El Paso!
What do you call an old Mexican woman? Bean bag!
Two Mexicans are in a car, who is driving? A cop!
What's a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross country!
What do you call a Mexican getting baptized? Bean dip!
What do you call a building full of Mexicans? A: Jail!
What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe? Roberto!
How do you kill a Mexican? Throw a quarter off a cliff!
What do you call a pool with a Mexican in it? Bean Dip!
What do you call a Mexican with an IQ of 176? A village!
What is it when a Mexican is taking a shower? A miracle!
What do you call 4 Mexicans in quicksand? Quattro Cinco!
How do you get them out of a car? Throw in a bar of soap!
How do you stop a Mexican tank? Shoot the guy pushing it!
What do you call a group of stoned Mexicans? Baked beans!
What do you call 100 Mexicans working on a roof? Chingos!
Why did they cancel drivers ed. in Mexico? The donkey died!
Why did the Mexican throw his wife off the cliff? Tequilla!
What do you call a Mexican driving a BMW? Grand Theft Auto!
What do you call a Mexican without a lawn mower? Unemployed!
What's the most confusing day for a Mexican? Father's Day!
What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy? A dry Martinez!
Why do Mexicans have low-riders? To pick up the strawberries!
Why do Mexican girls wear panties? To keep their ankles warm!
What do you call a Mexican paratrooper? Instant air pollution!
What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Boxing... Boxing oranges!
You might be a Mexican if: you have thirty cousins named Juan!
Why do flies have wings? To beat the Mexicans to the trash can!
Definition of a Mexican wolf: Hot tamale looking for a frijole!
Why are Mexicans so short? They all live in basement apartments!
Why do Mexicans have mustaches? They want to be like their moms!
Why do Mexican's drive low riders? So they can pick the cabbage1
Know why Mexican women wear long dresses? To hide the bug strips!
How do you hide money from a Mexican? Hide it under a bar of soap!
When does a Mexican become Spanish? When he marries your daughter!
What do you call a Mexican that can't do any thing? A Mexican't!
When does a Mexican become Spanish? When he marries your Daughter!
Why doesn't Mexico have a Navy? Because cardboard doesn't float!
What's a "feel-up?" It's what you get at a Mexican gas station!
What do you get when you cross an Arab with a Mexican? Oil of Ole'
What is the greatest Mexican invention? A solar powered flash light!
Why cant Mexicans play Uno? Because they always steal the green card!
What did the Mexican do with his first 50 cent piece? He married her!
How do you get 50 Mexicans in a phone booth? Throw food stamps in it!
What's a Mexican fortune cookie? A taco shell with food stamps in it!
Why don't mexicans like blow jobs? They don't like any kind of jobs!
How do you starve a Mexican? Put their food stamps in their work boots!
What do you call it when Mexicans play one on one soccer? Juan on Juan!
Did you hear about the winner of the Mexican beauty contest? Me neither!
Why don't Mexicans BBQ? The beans keep falling through the grill holes!
What did you name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican? Retardo!
Who's the best man at a mexican wedding? The guy with the jumper cables!
What is the problem with Mexican cars and Mexican toilets? Leaking Hoses!
How can you tell a Mexican cesspool? It's the one with the diving board!
What do you call a Texan? A Mexican who ran out of gas going to Oklahoma!
What is the difference between a Mexican and a bucket of crap? The bucket!
Why don't Mexicans play hide and seek? Because no one will look for them!
Why wasn't Jesus born in Mexico? He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin!
What's the national anthem of Puerto Rico? "Attention K-Mart shoppers..."
What did the Mexican fire chief name his two sons? Jose (Hose A) and Hose B!
Why do Mexicans drive low riders? So they can pick lettuce while they drive!
Did you hear about that one Mexican that went to college? Yeah.. me neither!
Why do Mexicans eat beans every day? So they can take a bubble bath at night!
Why don't Mexicans cross the border in 3's? Because it says no trespassing!
What do you say to a Mexican in uniform? I'll have a Big Mac, Coke and fries!
What do you call a taco with a food stamp inside it? A mexican fortune cookie!
How many Mexicans does it take to grease a car? Just one if you hit him right!
Why do Mexicans eat tamales on christmas? So they'll have something to unwrap!

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