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Lesbian Jokes!

What do you call lesbian twins? Lick-a-likes!
What is a lesbian's favorite gum? Chicklets!
What do you call an Irish Lesbian? Gaylick.
What do you call a Pakistani lesbian? Fadjeeta!
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lickalotopus!
What does a lesbian bring on the 2nd date? A U-Haul!
What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe? Fur Traders.
What's the Latin name for a lesbian? Strapadictomy!
What do you call a thick fingered lesbian? Well hung!
What do lesbians call an open can of tuna? Potpourri!
What kind of humor do lesbians like? Tongue in cheek!
What do lesbians need to get married? A Licker license!
What do you call a lesbian with long fingers? Well Hung!
What did one lesbian say to the other? Your face or mine?
What do you call a lesbian with long fingernails? Single!
Why is a lesbian like a politician? Neither one does dick!
What do Polish lesbians use for a lubricant? Tartar sauce!
What do you call a lesbian cocktail lounge? A her-she bar!
What do you call a closet full of lesbians? A Licker cabinet!
What's the leading cause of death with lesbians? Hair balls!
What is the leading cause of death among lesbians? Hairballs!
Why do lesbians shop at Bass Pro Shop? They don't like Dicks!
Why were lesbians invented? So that feminists wouldn't breed!
Gay men love lesbians as friends. Someone has to mow the yard!
What do you call 100 heavily armed lesbians? Militia Etheridge!
Lesbians love gay men as friends. Someone has to do the cooking!
What do you call two butches bonding? Hockey Night in Canada.
What does a lesbian bring on a second date? A: Everything she owns
What do you call a fight between two Chinese lesbians? A Tong war!
"Words said at a Lesbian Funeral" Asses to asses, bust to bust...
What did the lesbian vampire say to her partner? See you next month!
What does it mean when two lesbians make love? It doesn't mean dick.
What weighs 250 pounds and swims in the San Francisco Bay? Moby Dyke!
What's the difference between a lesbian and a dyke? About $30,000.00
What's the new politically correct name for a lesbian? A Vagitarian!
What do lesbians cook for dinner? They don't cook, they just eat out!
What do you call two women in a canoe paddling down stream? Fur Traders!
What do two lesbians do when they are having their periods? Finger-paint!
If horse racing is the sport of kings, drag racing is the sport of queens!
Did you hear about the blonde lesbian? She kept on having affairs with men!
What do you call two lesbians paddling a canoe down the river? Fur traders!
What's the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz? One is a snack cracker!
What do you call 25 lesbians stacked on top of each other? A block of flaps!
What's the definition of confusion? Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market!
Do you know what drag is? It's when a man wears everything a lesbian won't!
How can you tell a tough lesbian bar? Even the pool table doesn't have balls.
How do you make a lesbian anorexic eat? Put pussy hair around her dinner plate!
What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out? A lesbian with a hard-on!
How many screws are there in a lesbians coffin? None, Its all tongue and groove!
Why are lesbians fatter than straight women? Because they are always eating out!
What do two lesbian lovers do when they are both menstruating? They finger paint!
Did you hear that Ellen Degeneres drowned? She was found face down in Ricki Lake!
Did you hear about the two lesbians who bought an organ so they could play hymns?
Did you hear about the twin sisters who were both born lesbian? They Lick a like!
Did you hear that Ellen Degeneres drowned? She was found face down in Ricki Lake.
What's the definition of Frenzy? Two blind lesbians walking through a fish market!
What did one lesbian frog say to the other? 'You know, we do taste like chicken!'
How do you know when you are in a real lesbian bar? Not even the pool table has balls!
Why does a butch lesbian have short hair? So hair doesn't get in her face while eating!
What do lesbians do after they have an argument? They go home and lick each others' wounds!
What do you call it when two lesbians in wheelchairs are in the 69 position? Meals on Wheels.
How can you tell if a lesbian is butch? She kick-starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons!
Last year I watched a bisexual pride parade. It was confusing though, because it went both ways.
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? "I will see you again next month!"
How can you tell if your house was built by lesbian carpenters? All tongue-in-groove, with no studs!
What do you call 50 lesbians and 50 government employees in one room? 100 people that don't do dick!
What's the difference between a ritz cracker and a lesbian? One's a snack cracker, the other a crack snacker!
What do you get when you have 50 politicians and 50 lesbians all in the same room? 100 people who don't do dick!
How many femmes does it take to change a tire? Two: one to call AAA and one to whine about the grease on her skirt.
Did you hear about the lesbian who took too much Viagra? She couldn't get her tongue back into her mouth for over a week!
Two lesbians are walking down the street. They each have one hand in the others' pocket. What are they doing? Lip Reading!
Why can't lesbians diet and wear make-up at the same time? Because they can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on their face!
How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? 19! One to change the light bulb and 18 to make a documentary about it!
Why do lesbians like to be reincarnated as whales? So they can have 10-foot tongues and breathe out of the tops of their heads!
You Know You Live in San Francisco when you go to your office manager's baby shower and the parent's are named Judy and Becky!
One lesbian turns to the other and says, "You know, they say you are what you eat., does that mean I'll be you in the morning?"
What's the difference between a lesbian finger fucking a blonde and a Harley Davidson at the side of the road? One is a bike in the ditch!
Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe? They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!
A 14 year old lesbian walks into a whorehouse and says, "I want a woman to eat me." "I'm sorry" the madam responds, "we don't serve lickers to minors"
Two lesbians walk into a whorehouse and ask for the youngest girl they got. The madam looks at them for a second and says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors to lickers!"
How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Four. One to change it, two to organize the potluck and one to write a folk song about the empowering experience!
A lesbian went to the gynecologist one day, and as the doctor is examining her, he remarked, "My, aren't we clean today." "Yeah," replied the lesbian, "I have a woman who comes in twice a week!"
Two old lesbians were doing it on a park bench. One lesbian says to the other, "Take your glasses off, you're scratching my leg." The other one says,"Put your glasses back on, you're licking the bench!"
A lesbian walks into a sex toy store and asks where the vibrators are. "Come this way," the cute woman behind the counter says, gesturing with her finger. "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need the vibrator, would I?" the woman responds.
A fellow and his mate were watching two lesbians in the pub. Suddenly one of them jumps up from her table and storms out of the pub. The guy says to his mate "What do you think happened there?" His mate thoughtfully replies, "She obviously can't handle her licker!"
Two lesbians were standing at the bar drinking when another girl waved across the bar. "Who is that chick?" the first lesbian asked, "I would sure like to get her legs spread on my bed!" "No you wouldn't!" replied the other lesbian, "I have heard that she is hung like a doughnut!"
Two Lipstick Lesbians are on a plane when the engines start to fail. One of them runs back to the lavatory and opens the door and asks her partner inside if she shaved today. She says, "Yes, why?" "Whew, that's good! The flight attendant told me to run back and get you cause we'll be going down in less than two minutes!"
In order to save on holiday costs, two secretaries are rooming together. On the first night Jill turns to her friend, puts her hand on her shoulder and says, "There is something I have been meaning to tell you about myself. I will be frank. I am a lesbian." "That's OK," replied the other girl, "I will be Frank tomorrow night, I'm a lesbian too!"
A guy met this girl in a bar and asked, "May I buy you a drink?" "Okay, but it won't do you any good." A little later, he asks, "May I buy you another drink?" "Okay, but it still won't do you any good." He invites her up to his apartment and she replies, "Okay, but it won't do you any good." They get to his apartment and he says, "You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I want you for my wife." She says, "Oh, that's different. Send her in."
A man is sitting at a bar having a few drinks when he notices a very attractive lady sit down at the other end of the bar and order a drink. The guy calls the bartender over and says "whatever she is is drinking give her another one and tell her it is on me." The bartender replies "I don't think you want to do that." "What do you mean?" yells the guy, "Send her the drink!" "O.K." the bartender replies, "but I don't think it is a good idea." "And why not?" asks the guy. The bartender leans over the bar and very softly says "because she's a lesbian." "I don't care, send her the drink." says the guy. So after the lady gets her drink the guy very casually strolls down to the other end of the bar and sits down next to her and says, "so what part of Lesbia are you from?"


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