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Independence Day Jokes!

What's red, white, blue, and gross? Uncle Spam!
What dance was very popular in 1776? Indepen-dance!
Which colonists told the most jokes? Punsylvanians!
What did a patriot put on his dry skin? Revo-lotion!
What ghost haunted King George III? The spirit of '76!
Who is a dogs favourite Founding Father? Bone Franklin!
What's red, white, blue and green? A seasick Uncle Sam!
What's red, white, blue, and green? A patriotic pickle!
What was General Washington's favorite tree? The infantry!
What was Thomas Jefferson's favorite dessert? Monti jello!
What is a hungry boys favorite picnic event? The snack race!
Why did the duck say "Bang!" Because he was a firequacker!
What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for? Liberty!
What did one flag say to the other flag? Nothing. It just waved!
Why did the British cross the Atlantic? To get to the other tide!
Where did George Washington buy his hatchet? At the chopping mall!
Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell? Yeah, it cracked me up!
What's big, cracked, and carries your luggage? The Liberty Bellhop!
What's red, white, black and blue? Uncle Sam falling down the steps!
What famous pig signed the Declaration of Independence? John Hamcock!
What do you call a parade of German mercenaries? A Hessian procession!
What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country? Beneduck Arnold!
What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1773? The Boston Flea Party!
What march would you play at a jungle parade? "Tarzan Stripes Forever!"
Teacher: "Who wrote `Oh say, can you see?"' Student: "An eye doctor?"
What would you get if you crossed a monster with a redcoat? A bigger target.
What happened as a result of the Stamp Act? The Americans licked the British!
What did the visitor say as he left the Statue of Liberty? "Keep in torch!"
Which one of Washington's officers had the best sense of humor? Laughayette!
What cat said, "The British are coming! The British are coming!" Paw Revere.
What would you get if you crossed a monster with Yankee Doodle? Yankee Doofus!
What's red, white, blue, and almost as ugly as a dog? A revolutionary warthog!
Why were the early American settlers like ants? Because they lived in colonies.
Why did the British soldiers wear red coats? So they could hide in the tomatoes.
Why is the Liberty Bell like a dropped Easter egg? Because they're both cracked!
What did Paul Revere say at the end of his ride? "I gotta get a softer saddle!"
How is a healthy person like the United States? They both have good constitutions!
What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War? The Battle of Bonkers Hill.
Why were the first Pennsylvania settlers like ants? Because they lived in colonies.
Did you hear about the cartoonist in the Continental Army? He was a Yankee doodler!
What would you get if you crossed Washington's home with nasty insects? Mt. Vermin!
What would you get if you crossed a colonial toupee with a tepee? A powdered wigwam!
What did King George think of the American colonists? He thought they were revolting!
What has four legs, a shiny nose, and fought for England? Rudolph the Redcoat Reindeer!
What would you get if you crossed the American national bird with Snoopy? A bald beagle!
What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog? Yankee Poodle!
What would you get if you crossed Jon with the English king in 1776? King George the Nerd!
Why did Washington win the battle of Trenton? Because the enemy soldiers were Hessian around!
What would you get if you crossed a dog with the Father of Our Country? George Washingtongue!
What did Washington say as he crossed the Delaware? "Next time I'm going to reserve a seat!"
What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed? The Fodder of Our Country!
What has feathers, webbed feet, and certain inalienable rights? The Ducklaration of Independence!
What would you get if you crossed a monster with one of Washington's officers? Baron von Steupid!
"How was the food at the Fourth of July picnic? "The hot dogs were bad and the brats were wurst!"
Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington? Because the horse was too heavy to carry!
What did George Washington say to his army at Valley Forge? "Sorry, men. The flights to Florida are all booked up!"
What would you get if you crossed Patrick Henry with a hungry boy? A patriot who says, "Give me lasagne or give me death!"
Teacher: "Which son of old Virginia wrote the Declaration of Independence?" Student: "I think it was Thomas Jeffer's son."
What would you get if you crossed the first signer of the Declaration of Independence with a rooster? John Hancock-a-doodle-doo!
Teacher: "The Declaration of Independence was written in Philadelphia. True or false?" Student: "False! It was written in ink!"
Teacher: "Why did Washington chop down the cherry tree with his hatchet?" Student: "Because his mom wouldn't let him play with the chain saw!"
The Fourth of July weekend was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. "We live in a great country," she said. "One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free." One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said. . . ."I'm not free. I'm four."


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