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Confucius Jokes!

Confucius says..."Laziness is the mother of nine inventions out of ten."
Confucius says..."He who eat cookie in bed, will wake up feeling crumby."
Confucius says..."Man with bush in hand not necissarily trimming shrubs."
Confucius says..."If you turn an oriental around, he become disoriented."
Confucius says..."Baby ill-conceived in automatic car shiftless bastard."
Confucius says..."Baseball all wrong -- man with four balls cannot walk."
Confucius says..."Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing."
Confucius says..."lady who live in glass house should dress in basement."
Confucius says..."Most general statements are false, including this one."
Confucius says..."Everything is actually everything else, just recycled."
Confucius says..."Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything."
Confucius says..."Too light for heavy work and too heavy for light work."
Confucius says..."Logic can never decide what is possible or impossible."
Confucius says..."Man who sticks penis in peanut butter is fucking nuts."
Confucius says..."Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes clear to the bone."
Confucius says..."Short man who dance with tall woman get bust in mouth."
Confucius says..."Man who suck woman's tit make clean breast of things."
Confucius says..."Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies."
Confucius says..."The person not here is the one working on the problem."
Confucius says..."Never try to pacify someone at the height of his rage."
Confucius says..."I have run out of sick leave, so I'm calling in dead."
Confucius says..."Each problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem."
Confucius says..."Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?"
Confucius says..."Things are more like today than they ever were before."
Confucius says..."Is good to learn how to masturbate, may come in handy!"
Confucius says..."For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill."
Confucius says..."Anything hit with a big enough hammer will fall apart."
Confucius says..."If you are not the lead dog, the scenery never changes."
Confucius says..."The tasks and chores that get rewarded, get done first."
Confucius says..."Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with."
Confucius says..."Man fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self."
Confucius says..."Never speculate on that which can be known for certain."
Confucius says..."He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons."
Confucius says..."Multitasking allows screwing up several things at once."
Confucius says..."Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night."
Confucius says..."A short cut is the longest distance between two points."
Confucius says..."As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse."
Confucius says..."In the fight between you and the world, back the world."
Confucius says..."Frustration is not having anyone to blame but yourself."
Confucius says..."Never trust man with short legs, brain too near bottom."
Confucius says..."If at first you don't succeed, transform your dataset."
Confucius says..."Your own car uses more gas and oil than anyone else's."
Confucius says..."If a program is useless, it will have to be documented."
Confucius says..."If you stand in one place long enough, you make a line."
Confucius says..."He who walks in another's tracks leaves no footprints."
Confucius says..."Confession is good for the soul, but bad for the career."
Confucius says..."Before becoming master fisherman, must be master baiter."
Confucius says..."Don't do today that which can be put off till tomorrow."
Confucius says..."Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment."
Confucius says..."A consultant is an ordinary person a long way from home."
Confucius says..."Man who loses key to girlfriends apartment get no nukie."
Confucius says..."There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrrong."
Confucius says..."Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for."

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