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Confucius Jokes!

Confucius says..."Don't be so open minded that your brain falls out."
Confucius says..."When it's you against the world, bet on the world."
Confucius says..."If everything seems to go right, check your zipper."
Confucius says..."History is the science of what never happens twice."
Confucius says..."If ignorance is bliss, most of us must be orgasmic."
Confucius says..."There is always one more idiot than you counted on."
Confucius says..."If a program is useful, it will have to be changed."
Confucius says..."If things were left to chance, they would be better."
Confucius says..."Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy."
Confucius says..."If you do not know what you're doing, do it neatly."
Confucius says..."Any dropped tool will first always strike your toes."
Confucius says..."Man who pee on electric fence receive shocking news."
Confucius says..."To know yourself is the ultimate form of aggression."
Confucius says..."Condom should be used on every conceivable occasion."
Confucius says..."Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance."
Confucius says..."An object at rest will always be in the wrong place."
Confucius says..."If idiots could fly, this world would be an airport."
Confucius says..."Woman who wear jockstrap have make believe ballroom."
Confucius says..."If at first you don't succeed, your successor will."
Confucius says..."If you mess with a thing long enough, it will break."
Confucius says..."Man who screws cook in pantry often gets ass in jam."
Confucius says..."The farther away the future is, the better it looks."
Confucius says..."If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it."
Confucius says..."Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
Confucius says..."Half of being smart is knowing what you are dumb at."
Confucius says..."Wisdom consists of knowing when to avoid perfection."
Confucius says..."People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues."
Confucius says..."Anything is easier to take apart than to put together.
Confucius says..."Everything put together sooner or later falls apart."
Confucius says..."Girl who is wallflower at party is dandelion in bed."
Confucius says..."2 is not equal to 3, not even for large values of 2."
Confucius says..."When it gets to be your turn, they change the rules."
Confucius says..."A bird in the hand is always safer than one overhead."
Confucius says..."Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity."
Confucius says..."The solving of a problem lies in finding the solvers."
Confucius says..."Old age and treachery shall overcome youth and skill."
Confucius says..."Woman with blonde hair may have black hair by cracky."
Confucius says..."The deadline is one week after the original deadline."
Confucius says..."People specialize in their area of greatest weakness."
Confucius says..."Never do anything you wouldn't be caught dead doing."
Confucius says..."Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now."
Confucius says..."Man with unchecked parachute will jump to conclusion."
Confucius says..."Build something foolproof and every fool will use it."
Confucius says..."It's not hard to meet expenses; they are everywhere."
Confucius says..."He who fish in other man's well often catches crabs."
Confucius says..."If guns are outlawed, how will we shoot the liberals?"
Confucius says..."He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise."
Confucius says..."It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black."
Confucius says..."If you cannot measure output, then you measure input."
Confucius says..."If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it."
Confucius says..."When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last."
Confucius says..."Man who puts dick in electric socket gets power tool."
Confucius says..."Man who live in glass house should not throw parties."
Confucius says..."If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it."
Confucius says..."Perfection is achieved only on the point of collapse."
Confucius says..."Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in the toilet."

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