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To submit a joke for inclusion on this website, please use the form below. Simply add your name or email address, the joke, and then hit the "SUBMIT" button! Your joke will be added to these pages! Enjoy the website!

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Confucius Jokes!

Confucius says..."There is nothing so habit-forming as money."
Confucius says..."Toothache tends to start on Saturday night."
Confucius says..."Science is true. Don't be misled by facts."
Confucius says..."Those with the best advice offer no advice."
Confucius says..."Man who eats jellybean fart in Technicolor."
Confucius says..."When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade."
Confucius says..."Only a bureaucracy can fight a bureaucracy."
Confucius says..."Old programmers never die, they just abend."
Confucius says..."He who kisses woman's ass get crack in jaw."
Confucius says..."If you are coasting, you're going downhill."
Confucius says..."Creditors have better memories than debtors."
Confucius says..."A flying particle will seek the nearest eye."
Confucius says..."Man who put cream in tart, not always baker."
Confucius says..."Virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone!"
Confucius says..."It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."
Confucius says..."Wasting time is an important part of living."
Confucius says..."Without data, yours is just another opinion."
Confucius says..."Nail on board is not good as screw on bench."
Confucius says..."Man who drive like hell, bound to get there."
Confucius says..."I have seen the truth and it makes no sense."
Confucius says..."There is no limit to how bad things can get."
Confucius says..."Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate."
Confucius says..."Many are called, but few are at their desks."
Confucius says..."You get the most of what you need the least."
Confucius says..."Man with forked tongue not need chop sticks."
Confucius says..."Man who farts in church sits in his own pew!"
Confucius says..."Man who plays with titty gets bust in mouth."
Confucius says..."If you do not say it, they can't repeat it."
Confucius says..."Unemployment helps stretch your coffee break."
Confucius says..."Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck."
Confucius says..."He who pull out too fast leave rubber behind."
Confucius says..."The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs."
Confucius says..."One seventh of your life is spent on Mondays."
Confucius says..."Has anyone ever heard of a self-made failure?"
Confucius says..."Man who read woman like book, prefer braille!"
Confucius says..."Man who drop watch in whisky is wasting time."
Confucius says..."One test is worth a thousand expert opinions."
Confucius says..."America good place to put Chinese restaurant."
Confucius says..."The idea is to die young as late as possible."
Confucius says..."If you have nothing to do, don't do it here."
Confucius says..."He who dies with the most toys is still dead."
Confucius says..."Man who jumps off cliff, jumps to conclusion!"
Confucius says..."Wash your face in the morning, neck at night."
Confucius says..."There is no such thing as instant experience."
Confucius says..."No one is listening until you make a mistake."
Confucius says..."Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it."
Confucius says..."If it is incomprehensible, it's mathematics."
Confucius says..."If two wrongs don't make a right, try three."
Confucius says..."If it is worth doing, it is worth over-doing."
Confucius says..."One of those days? I have one of those lives."
Confucius says..."Nature will tell you a direct lie if she can."
Confucius says..."The faster the plane, the narrower the seats."
Confucius says..."A donkey is a horse designed by a study team."
Confucius says..."Nobody wants to read anyone else's formulas."
Confucius says..."Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster."
Confucius says..."There are no winners in life...only survivors."

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