Get Your American Idols Live Tickets Here!
Hollywood's Largest On-line Gift Store - Shop for Your Home from Your

Get Free Stuff For Your Baby!

Free Stuff For Parents at Babies Online

To submit a joke for inclusion on this website, please use the form below. Simply add your name or email address, the joke, and then hit the "SUBMIT" button! Your joke will be added to these pages! Enjoy the website!

Submit Jokes Here!

Confucius Jokes!

Confucius says..."This is clearly another case of too many mad scientists and not enough hunchbacks."
Confucius says..."Everyone hits a brick wall now and then; the trick is not to do it with your head."
Confucius says..."The number of people watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action."
Confucius says..."If only one price can be obtained for a quotation, the price will be unreasonable."
Confucius says..."Remember the tea kettle; though up to its neck in hot water, it continues to sing."
Confucius says..."The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is a match."
Confucius says..."Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upward from the floor."
Confucius says..."Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends."
Confucius says..."If a program is useful it will be changed, if it is useless, it will be documented."
Confucius says..."Unless the results are known in advance, funding agencies will reject the proposal."
Confucius says..."It is better to be part of the idle rich class than be part of the idle poor class."
Confucius says..."There is always an easy answer to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong."
Confucius says..."There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about."
Confucius says..."Afternoon is that part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning."
Confucius says..."Man who take sleeping pill and laxative on the same night will wake up in deep shit."
Confucius says..."It isn't that they can't see the solution, it's that they can't see the problem."
Confucius says..."Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner or the workshop. "
Confucius says..."A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first."
Confucius says..."It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others."
Confucius says..."Work may be the crabgrass of life, but money is still the water that keeps it green."
Confucius says..."If you keep saying things are going to be bad, you have a chance of being a prophet."
Confucius says..."You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickles in the machine."
Confucius says..."The success of any venture will be helped by prayer, even in the wrong denomination."
Confucius says..."When working toward the solution of a problem it always helps you to know the answer."
Confucius says..."Good listeners are not only popular everywhere, but after awhile they know something."
Confucius says..."The difference between a stepping stone and a stumbling block can be when you see it."
Confucius says..."Even if the grass is greener on the other side: they, like you, still have to cut it."
Confucius says..."The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on."
Confucius says..."Democracy is that form of government where everybody gets what the majority deserves."
Confucius says..."If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault."
Confucius says..."Persons disagreeing with your facts are always emotional and employ faulty reasoning."
Confucius says..."The amount of work done varies inversely with the amount of time spent in the office."
Confucius says..."If it can be borrowed and it can be broken, you will borrow it and you will break it."
Confucius says..."The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it is unfamiliar territory."
Confucius says..."Your "IBM PC-compatible" computer grows more incompatible with every passing moment."
Confucius says..."Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish yourself as an expert."
Confucius says..."I have never found, in long experience, that criticism is ever inhibited by ignorance."
Confucius says..."For every idiot proof system devised, a new, improved idiot will arise to overcome it."
Confucius says..."The moment you have worked out an answer, start checking it; it probably isn't right."
Confucius says..."Inside every complex and unworkable program is a useful routine struggling to be free."
Confucius says..."Man who stand on street corner with hands in pockets, not feeling crazy, feeling nuts."
Confucius says..."While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery."
Confucius says..."It is not enough to tell me you worked hard to get your gold. The devil works hard too."
Confucius says..."The paperless office will become a reality about the same time as the paperless toilet."
Confucius says..."On successive charts of the same organization, the number of boxes will never decrease."
Confucius says..."If there is an opportunity to make a mistake, sooner or later the mistake will be made."
Confucius says..."If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of 10 it will."
Confucius says..."Security depends not so much upon how much you have as upon how much you can do without."
Confucius says..."The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action."
Confucius says..."A program generator creates programs that are more "buggy" than the program generator."
Confucius says..."An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy."
Confucius says..."People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either of them being made."
Confucius says..."There are two rules for success in life: Rule 1 - Don't tell people everything you know."
Confucius says..."The probability of a given event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability."
Confucius says..."It is not true that life is one thing after another, it's one stupid thing over and over."
Confucius says..."After any unit has been completely assembled, extra components will be found on the bench."


Try a free sample Romantic Compatibility Reading Try a free sample Women's Wisdom Reading!Free Sample Sexual Soul Mates Reading for twoFree Sample Karma Readingfree sample Romantic Compatibility Reading!Try a free sample Personal Astrology Profile!Try a free sample reading from!Two Week Love Forecast!Free Sample Maya Aztec! Free Sample Chinese Element AnalysisCalifornia Astrology AssociationRetrieve a loverCalifornia Astrology AssociationBrowse Our Astrological ReportsAstrology, Tarot and More!Try a Free Love ReadingTry a Free Psychic ReadingClick for a FREE Psychic Reading from Keen!Click for a FREE Psychic Reading from Keen!Click for a FREE Psychic Reading from Keen!Click for a FREE Psychic Reading from Keen!Free Pyschic ReadingClick for a FREE Psychic Reading from Keen!Click for a FREE Psychic Reading from Keen!Save up to 75% on Fine Jewelry & WatchesGet 20% Off on Health and Beauty Products from AmericaRx.comJewelry Sale at Goldemine.comAlways For Me Plus Size SwimwearName a starTry a free sample Romantic Compatibility Reading Try a free sample Women's Wisdom Reading!Free Sample Sexual Soul Mates Reading for twoWreckingBalm 234x60Free Sample Karma Readingfree sample Romantic Compatibility Reading!Shop skin care products at MakariFree Sample One Week Forecast from Astrology.comTry a free sample Personal Astrology Profile!Milagro Nail Care SystemTry a free sample reading from!Two Week Love Forecast!Ukraine womenFree Sample Maya Aztec! Free Sample Chinese Element AnalysisLatin womenShop skin care products at MakariShop skin care products at MakariShop skin care products at MakariShop skin care products at MakariShop skin care products at MakariBeauty Products and (Free Shipping)SkinBotanicaTigi Beauty productsCosmetics Gifts Set up to 30% OffGet Free Skincare Gift - COSME-DE.COMCosmeticmall.com468X60 large bannerEthnicBeautyLink to Bioelements Skin CareFragrancesCosmeticMall.comCosmeticMall.comUltra Hair AwaySkinBotanica.comShave No MoreOn SaleThousands Of FragrancesUHA Permanent Hair Removal SpraySkinStore.com234X60AnimationBannerTALIKA Eyelash Lipocils at USD28.00 Only   a href="" target="_top">Get $20 off $125 at SkinStore.Use promo code GET20Skinstore Exclusive ATOPALM MLE Cream and T'Fivve

Send free text messages!
Please enter a cell phone number:

NO Dashes - Example: 7361829726

Please choose your recipient's provider: