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Confucius Jokes!

Confucius says..."Sex is like the army, the closer you are to discharge, the better you feel.
Confucius says..."After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch."
Confucius says..."Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse."
Confucius says..."If not controlled, work will flow to the competent man until he submerges."
Confucius says..."Conscious is being aware of something; conscience is wishing you weren't."
Confucius says..."All probabilities are really 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won't."
Confucius says..."Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement."
Confucius says..."Take care to get what you like or you will be forced to like what you get."
Confucius says..."If you can't learn how to do it well, learn how to enjoy doing it poorly."
Confucius says..."No matter which way you ride your bike, it's uphill and against the wind."
Confucius says..."The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to...to...uhh...
Confucius says..."If you have got them by the testicles, their hearts and minds will follow."
Confucius says..."Man who bounce woman on bedspring this spring, have offspring next spring."
Confucius says..."Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."
Confucius says..."Thinking is hard work. One can't bear burdens and ideas at the same time."
Confucius says..."The more ridiculous a belief system, the higher probability of its success."
Confucius says..."Before you give a colleague a piece of your mind, be sure you can spare it."
Confucius says..."Girls should not marry basketball players - they dribble before they shoot."
Confucius says..."The one who says it can't be done should never interrupt the one doing it."
Confucius says..."Why did the Roman Empire collapse? What is the Latin for office automation?"
Confucius says..."Confucius say, man bobbing up and down in corn field is not planting grain."
Confucius says..."State of pregnancy exist when woman takes seriously something poked in fun."
Confucius says..."Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge it."
Confucius says..."Don't be irreplaceable; if you cannot be replaced, you cannot be promoted."
Confucius says..."There is never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over."
Confucius says..."To attract maximum attention, it's hard to beat a good, big, dumb mistake."
Confucius says..."Unless absolutely essential, borrowing to buy a depreciating asset is dumb."
Confucius says..."The next best thing to doing something smart is not doing something stupid."
Confucius says..."Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones."
Confucius says..."There is one big difference between genius and stupidity; genius has limits."
Confucius says..."If a research project is not worth doing at all, it is not worth doing well."
Confucius says..."The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to...to... uh..."
Confucius says..."A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer."
Confucius says..."Some come to the fountain of knowledge to drink, some prefer to just gargle."
Confucius says..."Marriage is like game of poker. You start with pair and end with full house."
Confucius says..."There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing."
Confucius says..."To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles."
Confucius says..."For every problem, there is a neat, plain solution...and it is always wrong."
Confucius says..."If the assumptions are wrong, the conclusions are not likely to be very good."
Confucius says..."It is impossible to build a foolproof system, because fools are so ingenious."
Confucius says..."When things are going well, someone will inevitably experiment detrimentally."
Confucius says..."Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers."
Confucius says..."To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research."
Confucius says..."Just when you get really good at something, you don't need to do it anymore."
Confucius says..."Yuppie pregnant women don't go into labor, they go straight into management."
Confucius says..."Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it."
Confucius says..."Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example."
Confucius says..."The hippo has no sting, but the wise man would rather be sat upon by the bee."
Confucius says..."One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe."
Confucius says..."It is okay to be ignorant in some areas, but some people abuse the privilege."
Confucius says..."The squeaky wheel doesn't always get the grease; sometimes it gets replaced."
Confucius says..."An executive will always return to work from lunch early if no one takes him."
Confucius says..."Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others."
Confucius says..."A problem cannot be solved using the same level of thinking that created it. "
Confucius says..."No matter how large and standardized the marketplace is, IBM can redefine it."
Confucius says..."All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right."
Confucius says..."The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes."
Confucius says..."The trouble with life is that it's a do-it-yourself kit without instructions."

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