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Confucius Jokes!

Confucius says..."Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined."
Confucius says..."An original idea can never emerge from committee in its original form."
Confucius says..."Judgement comes from experience; experience comes from poor judgement."
Confucius says..."It's better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all."
Confucius says..."Four-wheel-drive just means getting stuck in more inaccessible places."
Confucius says..."The only knowledge that can hurt you is the knowledge you don't have."
Confucius says..."Everyone has a photographic memory, some people just don't have film!"
Confucius says..."People who complain about the way the ball bounces usually dropped it."
Confucius says..."If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it."
Confucius says..."Girl should not marry basketball player: he dribbles before he shoots."
Confucius says..."People who are resistant to change cannot resist change for the worse."
Confucius says..."If you can smile when things go wrong, you must have someone to blame."
Confucius says..."Tact is the art of convincing people that they know more than they do."
Confucius says..."If the probability of success is not almost one, it is very near zero."
Confucius says..."Man who behaves like an ass will be the butt of those who crack jokes."
Confucius says..."By the time you have the right answers, no one is asking you questions."
Confucius says..."Is it that there are so many more horses' asses than there are horses?"
Confucius says..."People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."
Confucius says..."If opportunity came disguised as temptation, one knock would be enough."
Confucius says..."The more trivial your research, the more people will read it and agree."
Confucius says..."Any error in any calculation will be in the direction of the most harm."
Confucius says..."Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance."
Confucius says..."Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation."
Confucius says..."Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause of pregnancy."
Confucius says..."If something is confidential, it will be left in the photocopy machine."
Confucius says..."You may easily play a joke on a man who likes to argue; agree with him."
Confucius says..."You remember to mail a letter only when you're nowhere near a mailbox."
Confucius says..."What fun is it to be an expert if you make yourself easy to understand?"
Confucius says..."We sometimes get all the information, but we refuse to get the message."
Confucius says..."If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not $19.95."
Confucius says..."Maybe I can't make you do it but I sure can make you sorry you didn't!"
Confucius says..."If we learn by our mistakes, some of us are getting one great education!"
Confucius says..."Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first."
Confucius says..."Grease monkey who go to bed without bathing wake up oily in the morning."
Confucius says..."If at first you don't succeed, you probably didn't really care anyway."
Confucius says..."Illegitimus non Carborundem: "Don't let the scum bags grind you down""
Confucius says..."No matter what happens, there is always somebody who knew that it would."
Confucius says..."Two rules to success in life: 1. Don't tell people everything you know."
Confucius says..."Just because you are paranoid doesn't mean they are not out to get you."
Confucius says..."Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails."
Confucius says..."The book you spent $20.95 for today will come out in paperback tomorrow."
Confucius says..."You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You'll learn a lot today."
Confucius says..."Always remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everyone else."
Confucius says..."It is when you trip over your own shoes that you start picking up shoes."
Confucius says..."He who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double crosser"
Confucius says..."Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy and wealthy and dead."
Confucius says..."To study an application best, understand it thoroughly before you start."
Confucius says..."Usefulness is inversely proportional to its reputation for being useful."
Confucius says..."The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train."
Confucius says..."Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought."
Confucius says..."Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no good."
Confucius says..."If you think that OSHA is a small town in Wisconsin, you're in trouble."
Confucius says..."The usefulness of any meeting is in inverse proportion to the attendance."
Confucius says..."Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something."
Confucius says..."Rape impossible: Woman fun faster with skirt up, than Man with pants down"
Confucius says..."There are two things on earth that are universal: hydrogen and stupidity."
Confucius says..."Everybody should believe in something, I believe I'll have another beer."
Confucius says..."Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can always serve as a bad example."
Confucius says..."When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate. When in charge, ponder."

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