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Confucius Jokes!

Confucius says..."We're making progress. Things are getting worse at a slower rate."
Confucius says..."As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?"
Confucius says..."People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves."
Confucius says..."The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before."
Confucius says..."The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled."
Confucius says..."Never bet on a loser because you think his luck is about to change."
Confucius says..."Boy who goes to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand."
Confucius says..."A coup that is known in advance is a coup that does not take place."
Confucius says..."We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it."
Confucius says..."Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about."
Confucius says..."Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do the work."
Confucius says..."Almost everything in life is easier to get into than to get out of."
Confucius says..."No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it."
Confucius says..."The more directives you issue to solve a problem, the worse it gets."
Confucius says..."The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all of the parts."
Confucius says..."There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation."
Confucius says..."If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong."
Confucius says..."If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again."
Confucius says..."You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track."
Confucius says..."The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up!"
Confucius says..."Squirrel lay on rock and crack nuts, man lay on crack and rock nuts."
Confucius says..."The yoo-hoo you you-hew into the forest is the yoo-hoo you get back."
Confucius says..."History doesn't repeat itself; historians merely repeat each other."
Confucius says..."Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out."
Confucius says..."If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
Confucius says..."Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom."
Confucius says..."Information travels more surely to those with a lesser need to know."
Confucius says..."Experience is something you do not get until just after you need it."
Confucius says..."There is nothing so small that it can't be blown out of proportion."
Confucius says..."Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ."
Confucius says..."The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it."
Confucius says..."If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a stupid fool."
Confucius says..."For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program."
Confucius says..."The only time to be positive is when you are positive you are wrong."
Confucius says..."If you cannot get your work done in a 24-hour day, then work nights!"
Confucius says..."Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things."
Confucius says..."The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs."
Confucius says..."If everything is coming your way, you are probably in the wrong lane."
Confucius says..."If you are asked to join a parade, don't march behind the elephants."
Confucius says..."If you step out of a short line for a second, it becomes a long line."
Confucius says..."The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you."
Confucius says..."Man who sink into woman's arms will soon find arms in woman's sink."
Confucius says..."Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average."
Confucius says..."When man 60 marry girl 25, like buying book for someone else to read."
Confucius says..."Butcher who back into meat grinder get a little behind in his orders."
Confucius says..."The stomach expands to accommodate the amount of junk food available."
Confucius says..."The meek shall inherit the earth, but only after we're done with it."
Confucius says..."A crisis is when you cannot say "let's just forget the whole thing."
Confucius says..."History repeats itself. That is one of the things wrong with history."
Confucius says..."Man have more hair on chest than woman, but on whole woman have more."
Confucius says..."Just when you think you've won the rat race, along come faster rats."
Confucius says..."If you are running for a short line, it suddenly becomes a long line."
Confucius says..."Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards."
Confucius says..."No matter which way you go, it's always uphill and against the wind."
Confucius says..."Nothing is impossible for the man who does not have to do it himself."
Confucius says..."Inside every small problem is a larger problem struggling to get out."
Confucius says..."You can't win. You can't break even. You can't even quit the game."
Confucius says..."Always take a lawyer with you, and bring another lawyer to watch him."
Confucius says..."If you do not like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question."
Confucius says..."Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within the organization."
Confucius says..."Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code."
Confucius says..."Definition of an elephant: A mouse built to government specifications."
Confucius says..."When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers."

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