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Confucius Jokes!

Confucius says..."The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach."
Confucius says..."You can't win. You can't break even. You can't quit the game."
Confucius says..."If it doesn't make sense, it's either economics or psychology."
Confucius says..."The most important item in an order will no longer be available."
Confucius says..."Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat."
Confucius says..."If you did what you always did, you'll get what you always got."
Confucius says..."Nothing is impossible for the man who will not listen to reason."
Confucius says..."Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly."
Confucius says..."If facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of."
Confucius says..."He who go to sleep with itchy arse wakes up with stinky fingers."
Confucius says..."Job placement is telling your boss what he can do with your job."
Confucius says..."The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish."
Confucius says..."If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done."
Confucius says..."Cocaine is nature's way of telling you you have too much money."
Confucius says..."Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers."
Confucius says..."There is no evidence to support the notion that life is serious."
Confucius says..."Fill what is empty; empty what is full; scratch where it itches."
Confucius says..."Given a bad start, trouble will increase at an exponential rate."
Confucius says..."Don't let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash."
Confucius says..."He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit."
Confucius says..."Confucius says, "Man who put wick into wrong candle get burned."
Confucius says..."Always keep a record of data. It indicates you've been working."
Confucius says..."The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work."
Confucius says..."Don't sweat the petty stuff ... and don't pet the sweaty stuff."
Confucius says..."The more vital your research, the less people will understand it."
Confucius says..."You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track."
Confucius says..."If you cannot hope for order, withdraw with style from the chaos."
Confucius says..."Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions."
Confucius says..."Bureaucracy is a method for transforming energy into solid waste."
Confucius says..."Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life."
Confucius says..."When someone says this is as bad as it can get, don't bet on it."
Confucius says..."Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy."
Confucius says..."If you cannot dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with lies."
Confucius says..."You're not drunk if you can lay on the floor without holding on."
Confucius says..."Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok."
Confucius says..."Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants."
Confucius says..."Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing."
Confucius says..."Be content with what you've got, but be sure you've got plenty."
Confucius says..."An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction."
Confucius says..."Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river."
Confucius says..."The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth."
Confucius says..."Adding manpower to a late technology project only makes it later."
Confucius says..."The best laid plans of mice and men are all filed away somewhere."
Confucius says..."Citizens want honest politicians until they want something fixed."
Confucius says..."If someone says he will do something "without fail," he won't."
Confucius says..."Success always occurs in private, and failure in full public view."
Confucius says..."When you don't have an education, you've got to use your brains."
Confucius says..."If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less."
Confucius says..."The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut."
Confucius says..."You never know who is right, but you always know who is in charge."
Confucius says..."Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else."
Confucius says..."The simplest subjects are the ones you don't know anything about."
Confucius says..."Pills to be taken in twos always come out of the bottle in threes."
Confucius says..."Remember the golden rule: Those that have the gold make the rules."
Confucius says..."If reproducibility might be a problem, conduct the test only once."
Confucius says..."Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world."
Confucius says..."If you are already in a hole, there is no use to continue digging."


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