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Confucius Jokes!

Confucius says..."In any calculation, any error which can creep in will do so."
Confucius says..."Inspiration and perspiration are related by more than rhyme."
Confucius says..."You can't outtalk a man who knows what he's talking about."
Confucius says..."Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get tone of A flat miner."
Confucius says..."Ability is like a check, it has no value unless it is cashed."
Confucius says..."He who masturbates in front of cash register come into money."
Confucius says..."Mere unassisted merit advances slowly, if it advances at all."
Confucius says..."The best photos are generally attempted through the lens cap."
Confucius says..."Secretary not permanent fixture until screwed on top of desk."
Confucius says..."Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so."
Confucius says..."Nothing matters very much, and very few things matter at all."
Confucius says..."It is easier to get forgiveness than it is to get permission."
Confucius says..."Only those who attempt the absurd can acheive the impossible."
Confucius says..."Many quite distinguished people have bodies similar to yours."
Confucius says..."One of the greatest labor-saving inventions today is tomorrow."
Confucius says..."Free time which unexpectedly becomes available will be wasted."
Confucius says..."Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference."
Confucius says..."When working hard, be sure to get up and retch every so often."
Confucius says..."Just because it's hard, doesn't mean it's worth the effort."
Confucius says..."Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes."
Confucius says..."Fact without theory is trivia; theory without fact is garbage."
Confucius says..."It is not how someone measures up. It is how they measure you."
Confucius says..."Those most opposed to serving on committees are made chairmen."
Confucius says..."Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters in his own hands."
Confucius says..."It's not the work that gets me down, it's the coffee breaks."
Confucius says..."If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment."
Confucius says..."The meek shall inherit the earth, but not it's mineral rights."
Confucius says..."Man who wish to make headlines should sleep on corduroy pillow."
Confucius says..."Information's pretty thin stuff, unless mixed with experience."
Confucius says..."If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee."
Confucius says..."Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening."
Confucius says..."If there is light at the end of the tunnel...order more tunnel."
Confucius says..."Far-away talent always seems better than home-developed talent."
Confucius says..."If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway."
Confucius says..."Roses are red violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic and so am I."
Confucius says..."There is a right way, a wrong way, and my way to do everything."
Confucius says..."Man young when he snatches kisses, old when he kisses snatches."
Confucius says..."Don't stop to stomp on ants when the elephants are stampeding."
Confucius says..."People who think they know everything upset those of us who do."
Confucius says..."Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter, because nobody listens."
Confucius says..."Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement."
Confucius says..."Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out of it alive."
Confucius says..."Man that go to bed with itchy butt wake up with sticky fingers!"
Confucius says..."It's not how good your work is, it's how well you explain it."
Confucius says..."Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands."
Confucius says..."Age is relative; when you're over the hill, you pick up speed."
Confucius says..."Dealing with the government is like kicking a 300-pound sponge."
Confucius says..."Sometimes you're the bug, and sometimes you're the windshield."
Confucius says..."The only important information in a hierarchy is who knows what."
Confucius says..."In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it."
Confucius says..."Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out."
Confucius says..."To err is human. To blame it on someone else is even more human."
Confucius says..."A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the pants."
Confucius says..."If I your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form."
Confucius says..."War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left."

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