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Confucius Jokes!

Confucius says..."If you are given two contradictory orders, obey them both."
Confucius says..."Nothing is as permanent as that which is called temporary."
Confucius says..."Adding manpower to a late software product makes it later."
Confucius says..."Nothing is as temporary as that which is called permanent."
Confucius says..."The deficiency will never show itself during the test run."
Confucius says..."I disapprove of every conspiracy of which I am not a part."
Confucius says..."If you knew what you were doing, you'd probably be bored."
Confucius says..."Man who put rooster in Ice Compartment take out Stiff Cock."
Confucius says..."man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself."
Confucius says..."Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself."
Confucius says..."It doesn't matter whether you win or lose, until you lose."
Confucius says..."Other people's tools work only in other people's gardens."
Confucius says..."Why worry about tomorrow? We may not make it through today."
Confucius says..."One child is not enough, but two children are far too many."
Confucius says..."Teamwork is essential; it allows you to blame someone else."
Confucius says..."In every work of genius we recognize our rejected thoughts."
Confucius says..."When you are right be logical, when you are wrong befuddle."
Confucius says..."Man's wife his better half, his mistress his better whole."
Confucius says..."The elevator always comes after you have put down your bag."
Confucius says..."If it looks too good to be true, it is too good to be true."
Confucius says..."If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it."
Confucius says..."Don't permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamppost."
Confucius says..."Woman who goes to man's apartment for snack, gets tit-bit."
Confucius says..."A short line outside a building becomes a long line inside."
Confucius says..."Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot is unsanitary."
Confucius says..."man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self."
Confucius says..."If you throw something away, you will need it the next day."
Confucius says..."Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you're doing."
Confucius says..."If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?"
Confucius says..."After all is said and done, usually more is said than done."
Confucius says..."Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry."
Confucius says..."You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."
Confucius says..."If you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion."
Confucius says..."It is easier to take it apart than to put it back together."
Confucius says..."It's difficult to work in a group when you're omnipotent."
Confucius says..."For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism."
Confucius says..."Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way."
Confucius says..."Man who pee's through screen door, only straining himself."
Confucius says..."Any given program will expand to fill all available memory."
Confucius says..."If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average."
Confucius says..."If at first you don't succeed, blame it on your supervisor."
Confucius says..."If you do not understand it, it must be intuitively obvious."
Confucius says..."Everything happens at the same time with nothing in between."
Confucius says..."Man with one hand in pocket not necessarily jingling change."
Confucius says..."When in doubt, predict that the present trend will continue."
Confucius says..."Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!"
Confucius says..."Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert."
Confucius says..."By the time you can make ends meet, they've moved the ends."
Confucius says..."Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting-image of father."
Confucius says..."Appearances are not everything; it just looks like they are."
Confucius says..."The more people talk on the phone, the less money they make."
Confucius says..."Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house."
Confucius says..."Don't get lost in the shuffle, shuffle along with the lost."
Confucius says..."You can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step into it."
Confucius says..."The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem."
Confucius says..."Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe."
Confucius says..."If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not your sport."
Confucius says..."Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."

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