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Confucius Jokes!

Confucius says..."To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing."
Confucius says..."A man of quality does not fear a woman seeking equality."
Confucius says..."Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse."
Confucius says..."Man who sleep in cat house by day, in doghouse by night."
Confucius says..."If you do not care where you are, then you aren't lost."
Confucius says..."Always try to stop talking before people stop listening."
Confucius says..."Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs."
Confucius says..."If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away."
Confucius says..."Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time."
Confucius says..."Girl who douche with vinegar, walk around with sour puss"
Confucius says..."My client(sponsor/customer) doesn't know what he wants."
Confucius says..."Man with tool in woman's mouth not necessarily dentist."
Confucius says..."There are two ways to be rich: make more or desire less."
Confucius says..."Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good."
Confucius says..."For every action, there is a corresponding over-reaction."
Confucius says..."The one who does the least work will get the most credit."
Confucius says..."Never wrestle a pig; you both get dirty, and he likes it."
Confucius says..."Girl who sit on judge's lap get an honourable discharge."
Confucius says..."There is no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation."
Confucius says..."Woman who wear wonderbra make mountains out of molehills."
Confucius says..."Girl who douches with vinegar walk around with sour puss."
Confucius says..."You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
Confucius says..."The explanation of a disaster will be made by a stand-in."
Confucius says..."Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value."
Confucius says..."When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut."
Confucius says..."Everything worthwhile is mandatory, prohibited, or taxed."
Confucius says..."Boy fool with girl in wrong period get caught red handed."
Confucius says..."Woman is like jazz music, 3/4 jazz time and 1/4 rag time."
Confucius says..."To err is human. To forgive is simply not company policy."
Confucius says..."If anything is used to its full potential, it will break."
Confucius says..."If it says "one size fits all," it doesn't fit anyone."
Confucius says..."It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money."
Confucius says..."To err is human. To blame it on someone else is politics."
Confucius says..."Dumb man climb tree to get cherry, wise man spread limbs."
Confucius says..."Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out."
Confucius says..."Among economists, the real world is often a special case."
Confucius says..."People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't."
Confucius says..."Any improbable event which would create maximum confusion."
Confucius says..."Man who cook carrots and peas in same pot very unsanitary."
Confucius says..."He who pulls the oars does not have time to rock the boat."
Confucius says..."If something is done wrong often enough, it becomes right."
Confucius says..."Sex on beach is like American beer -- fuckin' near water."
Confucius says..."Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloons"
Confucius says..."A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking."
Confucius says..."It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it."
Confucius says..."man who put head on railroad track get splitting headache."
Confucius says..."Sailor who gets discharged from navy leave buddies behind."
Confucius says..."For every vision, there is an equal and opposite revision."
Confucius says..."If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong."
Confucius says..."If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment."
Confucius says..."When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will."
Confucius says..."Automatic simply means that you can't repair it yourself."
Confucius says..."You will always find something in the last place you look."
Confucius says..."Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come."
Confucius says..."When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal."
Confucius says..."Of two possible events, only the undesired one will occur."
Confucius says..."Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work."

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