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Celebrity Jokes!

What's the difference between George Michael and a microwave oven? A microwave stops when you open the door!
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common? They both leave little boys' rooms with empty sacks!
What do Michael Jackson and a Big Mac have in common? They're both 30 year old meat between 10 year old buns!
Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning? She wants to be the first lady!
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a racing jockey? A jockey can mount three year olds legally!
McDonald's is bringing out a new "Michael Jackson Burger"... It has 35 year old meat inside 5 year old buns.
Comedians' Best Lines: "I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." --Lily Tomlin
What is Michael Jackson's favorite holiday? Christmas because he gives the well behaved kids a special gift...
How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. Michael Jackson only screws little boys!
What's "black-white" and purple? Michael Jackson's penis after a slumber party with a bunch of 6 year olds!
McDonald's is bringing out a new "Michael Jackson Burger"... It has 35 year old meat inside 5 year old buns!
The new burger at McDonald's is called the McJackson. It consists of matured beef between two fresh white buns!
Jay Leno: New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive!
The new burger at McDonald's is called the McJackson. It consists of matured beef between two fresh white buns.
Did you hear about Michael Jackson marrying Lisa-Marie Presley? If Elvis were dead, he'd turn over in his grave!
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Michael Jordan? One is in the Minors, the other is into Minors!
Did you hear about the duet by Michael Jackson and Elton John? It is titled "Don't Let Your Son Go Down On Me!"
What did Michael Jackson say when he got back to Neverland Ranch from drug rehab? You know, I feel like a new boy!
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound racing? The greyhounds wait for the hairs to come out!
Did you know they're putting out a Michael Jackson stamp? Fans get to vote for the white or black Michael Jackson!
What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda? One has two boobs, the others are two boobs!
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne? Acne doesn't come on your face until you're about fifteen!
Why didn't JFK Jr. and his wife have a shower before getting on the plane? They figured they would wash up on shore!
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Mick Dittman? Mick Dittman does have a license to ride 4 year olds!
What was Michael Jackson thinking about on his wedding night? Hmmm, now Lisa-Marie can give me a little boy of my own!
Bill and Hillary and Al and Tipper takes a boat ride, the boat capsizes, who gets saved? The United States of America!
Michael Jackson first wanted to look like Diana Ross, then a white person, now he wants to be A Roman Catholic priest!
What do Michael Jackson and Wal-mart have in common? They both wait 3 months after the child is born to give piercings!
What does Michael Jackson give his guests after dinner? Instead of After Eight Mints, he gives them under eight children!
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper? One is pale and scares kids and the other is a friendly ghost!
Why did Michael Jackson fail to renew his contract with Pepsi? Because he found out that the main ingredient was Bubbles!
What does Michael Jackson give his guests after dinner? Instead of after eight mints, he gives them under eight children.
Comedians' Best Lines: "If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology." --Jay Leno
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a refrigerator? A fridge doesn't toot after you take your meat out of it!
What's the difference between Michael and a proctologist? A proctologist doesn't pay for the assholes he's poked around in!
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong? Neil walked the moon, Michael Jackson... fucked little boys!
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Richard Nixon? One was a consummate asshole, the other a consummated asshole!
What did Elvis say after seeing Michael and Lisa Marie on television? "Boy, that's a relief. I though she married a black guy!"
Have you heard about the foundation that Michael Jackson and Richard Pryor have started? It's called the Ignited Negro College Fund!
What's the difference between Richard Pryor and Michael Jackson? Richard Pryor got burnt on coke, Michael Jackson got burnt on Pepsi!
If you play thriller backwards, you can hear Michael confessing all the names of the boys he touched. That's why it is 14 minutes long!
Comedians' Best Lines: "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait." --A. Whitney Brown
Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby over a balcony? Because he overheard his wife asking someone to drop the children off a few stories!
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a ghost? One is completely white and has a scary face. The other is a supernatural being!
What are Michael Jackson's favorite sayings? 1) There's a sucker born every minute. 2) Kids do the darndest things. 3) Tricks are for kids.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong? One was the first man to walk on the moon, and the other f***s little boys!
Comedians' Best Lines: "Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives." --Sue Murphy
Prince Michael Jackson, Jr. --- you know in a few years they'll probably change his name to: The Child Formerly Known as Michael Jackson's Baby!
What did Lisa Marie Presley say to Michael Jackson when he popped her the question? "Yes, I'll marry you. But promise me one thing... NO KIDS!"
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag? One is white, plastic and dangerous to young children, the other is a plastic bag!
Why does Michael Jackson disappear for a couple hours after one of his little friends leaves? It takes that long to get the bubble gum off his penis!
What was the big break in the Micheal Jackson molestation case? A doctor did a rectal exam of one of the boys bringing charges and found ... a white glove!

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