Celebrity Jokes!Why was Michael Jackson relieved of his Cub Scout Leader duties? He was up to a pack a day!
What does Bill Clinton and a country folk dancer have in common? They both throw a ho down!
What's Monica's favorite instrument? She's good at the piano, but she sucks at the organ!
Why did Michael invite Macaulay Culkin to the house? He's like the little boy he never had.
Why did Michael Jackson rush to the discount store? The ad said: "Boys' pants, half-off!"
Why can't the government put Magic Johnson on a stamp? Everyone would be afraid to lick it!
Did you hear about Michael Jackson's toaster? The bread goes in brown, and comes out white.
What do Michael and Catholic school nuns have in common? Both are a pain in the ass to kids!
Did you hear about Michael Jackson's toaster? The bread goes in brown, and comes out white!
Why did Michael invite Macaulay Culkin to the house? He's like the little boy he never had!
What does Michael have in common with NASA? It's been 25 years since his first moon landing.
What would you call Michael Jackson if he slept with another 20 or 30 young boys? Monsigneur!
What's soft and brown and sometimes found in little boy's diapers? Michael Jackson's hand!
What do Michael Jackson and Miss Bobbit have in common? They both played with little wieners!
Why's Michael cutting down on public appearances? He wants to spend more time with the kids!
Why did Michael invite MacCauly Caulkin to the house? He's like the little boy he never had!
What do Michael Jackson and Miss Bobbit have in common? They both played with little wieners.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley? About two dress sizes!
Did you know that Michael Jackson just turned 35? Yeah, but he still feels like a 13 year old!
Why did Michael Jackson Check into the Betty Ford clinic? To get over his 11 year crack habit!
Why does Michael Jackson scream when he touches his nuts? He's sore from the kids last night!
Why is Michael Jackson's album new entitled "Bad"? Because he couldn't spell "Pathetic!"
How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company? There's a big wheel parked outside his house!
How will they ensure that Michael gets a thorough body search? Hire a Catholic priest to do it!
Why was Michael Jackson late for the circus? He couldn't get the stains out of his clown suit!
How can you tell when Michael Jackson is giving a party? By all the Big Wheels in his driveway!
How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company? There's a Big Wheel parked outside his house!
Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men? He thought it was a delivery service!
What is the most difficult thing to get out of little boys underwear? Michael Jackson's makeup!
Michael Jackson and Woody Allen on "Child Psychology": "Spare the rod, and spoil the child!"
How does Michael Jackson resemble the Cincinatti Reds? They're both whiter than they should be!
What do Michael Jackson and Wal-mart have in common? They both have small boys pants at half off!
Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky turned Republican? The Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth!
What do Michael Jackson & Michael Jordan have in common? They both play ball in the Minor League!
Why did Michael Jackson cross the road? He saw someone blowing bubbles and thought he'd join in!
Why did Bill Clinton name his new dog Buddy? He couldn't bear to say "Come Spot... Come Spot!"
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year old boyfriends? Because there are twenty of them!
What do Michael and Gaylord Perry have in common? Both have held lots of wet balls in their hands!
What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy? "The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
Did you hear that Michael Jackson was taken to the Emergency Room? He was choking on a small bone!
What's the worst stain to try and remove from little boy's underpants? Michael Jackson's makeup.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a microwave? A microwave won't brown your meat!
How do we know Michael Jackson is ready to release another album? He has a lot of stuff in the can!
Ellen Degeneres: People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant!
What did Michael Jackson say when a boy in a car mooned him going down the road? "I'll be there!"
What did Michael Jackson exclaim when he say he returned from the health spa? I feel like a new boy!
Why did Pepsi sign up Michael Jackson for their ads? Because he likes the taste of a new generation!
What does Michael Jackson have in common with NASA? It's been 25 years since his first moon landing!
Why does Micheal Jackson like to lose foot races to little boys? He likes to come in a little behind!
Michael Jackson's found a way to stymie that L.A. search warrant: He's invited Lorena Bobbitt over!
Why did Michael Jackson get kicked out of the school cafeteria? Because he ate all the kids' wieners!
What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Santa Claus? Some people still believe in Santa Claus!
What did Michael Jackson say to Lorena Bobbit for celebrity fun? "SILLY Bobbit! Dicks are for KIDS!"
Michael Jackson and Pee Wee Herman have come out with a new video called... "I'll Beat It For You!"
What do second place race horses and Michael Jackson have in common? They both come in a little behind!
What's the difference between Mr. Potato Head and Michael Jackson? Michael Jackson has had more noses!
What do Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston have in common? They both like a little crack now and then!
How do you know when it's bedtime at the Jackson residence? When the big hand touches the little hand!
Hear about the new "Michael Jackson" candy bar? It's made from white chocolate, and contains no nuts!
Why does Michael Jackson arrange for private shopping? So his guests won't be accompanied by guardians!
What does McDonald's and Michael Jackson have in common? They both stick their meat in 13 year old buns!
What's the difference between Bill and Monica. One can't come clean and the other one can't clean cum!
Have you heard about Michael Jackson's new book? It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing!"
Have you seen the new Michael Jackson candy bar? It's white chocolate with no nuts.... (but kids like it)
What child's game does Michael not allow to be played at his Neverland ranch? Got your nose! Put it back!
Why did Michael Jackson put cheese on his willy? Because kids will do anything for the taste of Dairy Lea!
What's the first problem the Michael's child will have in life? Figuring out which parent is his mother!
Comedians' Best Lines: "If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either!" --Dick Cavett
What do any of the Mets have in common with Michael Jackson? They all wear one glove for no apparent reason!
What does Michael Jackson and a Nintendo have in common? They are both made of plastic and kids turn them on!
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common? They both leave little boys' rooms with empty sacks.
What do Celebrity Michael Jackson and Michael Jordan have in common? They both play ball in the Minor League.