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To submit a joke for inclusion on this website, please use the form below. Simply add your name or email address, the joke, and then hit the "SUBMIT" button! Your joke will be added to these pages! Enjoy the website!

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Soccer Jokes!

What tea do footballers drink? Penaltea!
Where do footballers dance? At a football!
What are Brazilian fans called? Brazil nuts!
Where do soccer players dance? At a soccer ball!
What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match!
What did the bumble bee striker say? Hive scored!
Which football team loves ice-cream? Aston Vanilla!
What lights up a football stadium? A football match!
What do you call 20 Leeds fans sky-diving? Diarrhea!
How do you define 144 Chelsea fans? Gross Stupidity!
What is a goal keepers favorite snack? Beans on post!
How do you make a Gunners fan run? Build a job centre!
What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas? Ince pies!
Which insect didn't play well in goal? The fumble bee!
What do you call an Arsenal fan in a suit? The accused!
What do you call a Tim in Europe after Xmas? A tourist!
How do you change a Charlton fans mind? Blow in his ear!
What do you call an Aberdeen fan with Five sheep? A pimp!
Who would David Murray play in Lord of the Rings? Legolas!
They beat us five-nothing, and we were lucky to get nothing!
Which England player keeps up the fuel supply? Paul gas coin!
What would you call a pregnant Man United fan? A dope carrier!
What's the best place to shop for a soccer shirt? New Jersey!
What part of a football pitch smells nicest? The scenter spot!
How can you tell when Leeds are losing? It's five past three!
What do you call a Leeds fan in a 2 bedroomed Semi? A burglar!
What's the chilliest ground in the premiership? Cold Trafford!
What do you call a Leeds fan with many girlfriends? A Shepherd!
How can you tell ET is a Rangers fan? Because he looks like one!
Why didn't the dog want to play soccer? Because he was a Boxer!
What do you call a Mancunian with no arms and legs? Trustworthy!
For a minute we were in with a great chance. Then the game started!
What do Aston Villa fans use as birth control? Their personalities!
What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain? Gifted!
What do you call a Wimbledon fan with an IQ of 10? Supremely gifted!
A bad football team is like an old bra - no cups and little support!
What do you get if you cross a Liverpol fan with a pig? Thick bacon!
Q: What do Manchester fans use as birth control? Their personalities!
What do you call an Aberdeen fan with lots of girlfriends? A Shepherd!
What's the difference between a Tim and a bucket of crap? The bucket!
What were the soccer star's first words as a baby? Look Ma, no hands!
What do you call an Arsenal fan that does well on an IQ test? A cheat!
Why will Liverpool never win the League? They keep scoring Owen goals!
How did the football pitch end up as triangle? Somebody took a corner!
How did the soccer field get all wet? The players dribbled all over it!
Why did Chelsea go on the stock exchange? To prove that crap can float!
Why did the Tic fan cross the road? Cos Sutton was on shooting practice!
Why is David Beckham like a Ferrero Roche? They both come in a posh box!
What has 70,000 arms and an IQ of 170? Elland road every other Saturday!
Football players are the only people who can dribble and still look neat!
What does a footballer and a magician have in common? Both do hat tricks!
If you have a referee in football, what do you have in bowls? Cornflakes!
What would you get if Newcastle were relegated? 45,000 more Chelsea fans!
Why do people take an instant dislike to anyone from Leeds? It saves time!
How many Man U supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus? Never enough!
How do you get a one armed Irish Celtic fan down from a tree? Wave at him!

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