Sex Jokes!Valentines Day poems: If you think that hickey looks like a blister. You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!
Reasons For Being Fired From Toys 'R' Us: Numerous parental complaints about your "Tickle Me Carl The Stock boy" display.
Murphy's Law in Sex: The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later!
What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common? They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed!
What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease? One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running cunt!
Murphy's Law in Sex: Safe sex: Do not, no matter how much peers may pressure you, allow anyone to get to third base with you!
How can you tell if your girlfriend wants you? When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse!
Reasons For Being Fired From Toys 'R' Us: Caught hocking phlegm into tykes' hands and telling them it was "homemade Gack."
How do you know your girlfriend is really hot? When you put your hand in her panties and it feels like you're feeding a horse!
Bedroom Golf Rules: It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.
How are women and linoleum floors alike? You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years!
Valentines Day poems: You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class, Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.
What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law, but a great lawyer knows the judge!
Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife...A man has a chance at winning at the lottery!
Reasons For Being Fired From Toys 'R' Us: Too many reports from people who swear they saw Geoffrey the Giraffe in a leather bar.
Woman: Can I get Viagra here? Pharmacist: Yes. Woman: Can I get it over the counter? Pharmacist: If you give me two of them, you can
Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist? Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there!
What's the difference between a bandleader and a gynecologist? A bandleader fucks his singers and a gynecologist sucks his fingers!
Pussy Versus Beer: Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied. Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton. Advantage: Beer.
What is the similarity between sex and a snow storm? You never know how many inches you are going to get, and how long it will last.
Murphy's Law in Sex: Safe sex: Before fellating anonymous man in back room of bar, be sure to ask, "You don't have AIDS, do you?"
Husband while making love says, Darling, let's do 68! She replies, "68??? What's that?" "You do it to me and I'll owe you one!"
Reasons For Being Fired From Toys 'R' Us: Jaws of life needed to pull your knees out of your chest after you jackknifed a Big Wheel.
Why doesn't Smokey the bear have any kids? Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.
Murphy's Law in Sex: No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again!
How to tell if your Viagra is working: At work, they call you a spiritualist because when you sit down at a meeting, the table floats.
Why doesn't Smokey the bear have any kids? Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel!
They finally released the ingredients in Viagra! 3% Vitamin E, 2% Aspirin, 2% Ibuprofen, 1% Vitamin C, 5% Spray Starch, 87% Fix-A-Flat.
What's the difference between a whore and a bitch? Whore's fuck everyone at the party, Bitches fuck everyone at the party except you!
The older guys are now taking a new combination, Viagra and Doan's Pills, so the back won't peter out and the peter won't back out...
Reasons For Being Fired From Toys 'R' Us: A little too much joie de vivre while demonstrating the erector set, if you know what I mean.
Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week? Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!
What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob? Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob!
You know why they say that eating oysters will improve a man's sex life? Because women know if he'll eat one of those, he'll eat anything!
Reasons For Being Fired From Toys 'R' Us: You went overboard with your GI Joe Militia display by adding the Tonka truck full of fertilizer.
Signs Your Online Relationship Isn't Working Out: Since her first e-mail, Make.Money.Fastemail@example.com has become cold and distant.
There once was a man from Kent, whose cock was so long it bent, to save himself trouble, he put it in double, and instead of cumming he went.
Why is a Laundromat a bad place for a guy to pick up women? Women who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you!
Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe? They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!
How can you tell if you eat pussy well? You wake up in the morning with a face like a glazed doughnut and a beard like an unwashed paintbrush!
What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine? You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later!
Murphy's Law in Sex: Safe sex: Think about parents' nude bodies during foreplay; resultant loss of erection will prevent potential unsafe sex!
Pussy Versus Beer: 6 beers in a night and you better not drive. 6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you need. Advantage: Pussy
Reasons For Being Fired From Toys 'R' Us: Cross-dressing the Ken and Barbie dolls and telling kids they're the new "Jerry Springer" edition.
Have you heard about the new 'Mint flavored birth control pill for women that they take immediately before sex? They're called 'Predickamints'
A young man went up to his father and asked him, "Can I have twenty bucks for a blow job?" His father said, "I don't know. Are you any good?"
Pussy Versus Beer: Bad beer: Schlitz, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Old Swill. Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright, Dana Doran Advantage: Draw
Signs Your Online Relationship Isn't Working Out: Getting perhaps a bit too comfortable, she lets a reference to cutting her chin shaving slip by.
Signs Your Online Relationship Isn't Working Out: You discover that "Chesty McBust" isn't her real name, and she's dialing in from Langley, VA.
Why are women like Kentucky Fried Chicken? After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in!
Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in? The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!
Pussy Versus Beer: If you suddenly drop a beer, it may break. If you suddenly drop a pussy, it may hunt you down like the dog you are. Advantage: Beer.
Signs Your Online Relationship Isn't Working Out: Her postmaster rejects your e-mail not as "undeliverable" but as "unlikely to get you anywhere."
How do you know when a male porn star is at the gas station? Right before the gas stops pumping he pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car!
What's the difference between a whore and a bitch? A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party. A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you.
If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring crabs home on? The Captains Dinghy!
Bedroom Golf Rules: For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
What do a 9v battery and a woman's asshole have in common? Answer: You know it's wrong but sooner or later you're going to touch it with your tongue.
Signs Your Online Relationship Isn't Working Out: Ken Starr launches an investigation into your relationship with the mysterious "firstname.lastname@example.org"