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School Jokes!

Actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system: Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
Actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system: I would not allow this student to breed.
Actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system: Your child has delusions of adequacy.
Actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system: Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
Actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system: Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
Actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system: The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
Actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system: This child has been working with glue too much.
Actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system: When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
Actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system: The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming..
Actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system: If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
Actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system: It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.
Actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system: The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
College Habits To Bring Home: Yell "FLUSH!"
High School vs College: College women are legal.
College Habits To Bring Home: Get dressed in the dark.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Ways To Intimidate Your Professor: Sing your questions.
College Habits To Bring Home: Order pizza every Friday night.
College Habits To Bring Home: Walk two blocks to go to dinner.
Fun Things To Do During A Boring Lecture: Heckle the professor.
High School vs College: In college, weekends start on Thursday.
You Might Be A College Student: If you get more e-mail than mail.
Subtle Differences Between College And Hell: People smile in Hell.
College Habits To Bring Home: Dial 9 when calling out of your house.
College Habits To Bring Home: Make junk food runs at 11:30 at night.
High School vs College: College men are cuter than high school boys.
High School vs College: In college, your dad doesn't pay for dates.
Bright Students, Poor Answers: Q: What is the Fibula? A: A small lie.
You know you are a teacher if...you believe chocolate is a food group.
Subtle Differences Between College And Hell: It doesn't snow in Hell.
Teacher: Billy, name two pronouns. Billy: Who, me? Teacher: Very good!
High School vs College: In college, there are no bells or tardy slips.
You Might Be A College Student: If you wake up 10 minutes before class.
College Habits To Bring Home: Walk to the post office to get your mail.
You Might Be A College Student: If you average 3 hours of sleep a night.
Fun Things To Do During A Boring Lecture: Turn your row into a mosh pit.
Subtle Differences Between College And Hell: Everyone has heard of Hell.
College Habits To Bring Home: Have your mom scan your ID card for meals.
Bright Students, Poor Answers: Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor.
Fun Things To Do During A Boring Lecture: Two words: American Gladiators.
You know you are a teacher if...you believe in aerial spraying of Prozak.
Ways To Intimidate Your Professor: Ask whether you have to come to class.
Bright Students, Poor Answers: Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby.
Subtle Differences Between College And Hell: You can't fail out of Hell.
You Might Be A College Student: If you celebrate when you find a quarter.
You Might Be A College Student: If your backpack is giving you Scoliosis.
Ways To Intimidate Your Professor: Watch the professor through binoculars.
Ways To Intimidate Your Professor: Wink at the professor every few minutes.
College Habits To Bring Home: Make popcorn just because you miss the smell.
Ways To Intimidate Your Professor: Bring a "seeing eye rooster" to class.
Ways To Intimidate Your Professor: Start a "wave" in a large lecture hall.
Ways To Intimidate Your Professor: Claim that you wrote the class text book.
You know you are a teacher if...you find humor in other people's stupidity.
Subtle Differences Between College And Hell: At least you can sleep in Hell.
College Habits To Bring Home: Use your calling card when calling your friends.
Subtle Differences Between College And Hell: It's more fun getting into Hell.
You Might Be A College Student: If you carry less than a dollar on your person.
You Might Be A College Student: If you go to Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week.
High School vs College: In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.
College Habits To Bring Home: Take all your shower items to and from your room.
Ways To Intimidate Your Professor: Sit in the front and color in your textbook.
Subtle Differences Between College And Hell: You know there are hot men in Hell.
Ways To Intimidate Your Professor: Address the professor as "your excellency".
You Know You're A College Student When...you need a map to find your classroom.
You Know You're A College Student When...going to the library is a social event.
You Might Be A College Student: If you get more sleep in class than in your room.
You Know You're A College Student When...you can fall asleep any time, any where.
Ways To Intimidate Your Professor: Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board.
Ways To Intimidate Your Professor: Speak only in rhymes and hum the Underdog theme.
Fun Things To Do During A Boring Lecture: Bring a typewriter. Use it to take notes.
Ways To Intimidate Your Professor: Present the professor with a large fruit basket.
College Habits To Bring Home: Try to use your dorm key to unlock your bedroom door.
You Might Be A College Student: If it takes a shovel to find the floor of your room.
You Know You're A College Student When...you plan your schedule to have Fridays off.
College Habits To Bring Home: Look for a tray to carry your dinner to the table with.
You Know You're A College Student When...you bring home a doggie bag from Taco Bell.
College Habits To Bring Home: Jump out of the shower just in case someone does flush.
Ways To Intimidate Your Professor: Wear a black hooded cloak to class and ring a bell.
You Might Be A College Student: If your room is so cold that your toilet freezes over.
Ways To Intimidate Your Professor: Shout "WOW!" after every sentence of the lecture.
You know you are a teacher if...you wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce.
Ways To Intimidate Your Professor: Spend the lecture blowing kisses to other students.
You Know You're A College Student When...you're willing to pay extra for edible food.

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