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Sarah Palin Jokes!

"Palin and McCain are a good pair. She's pro-life and he's clinging to life." -Jay Leno
"Five kids? Does anyone in that party understand the concept of pulling out?" - Bill Maher
"This isn't a presidential ticket, this is a sitcom. The maverick and the MILF." - Bill Maher
"Sarah Palin made three campaign stops today: Saks, Nieman Marcus and Bloomingdales." --Jay Leno
"We're learning more and more about Governor Palin. Apparently her daughter's name is Juno." --Jay Leno
"The Palin family crisis has been solved now. The baby is being adopted by Angelina Jolie." -David Letterman
"And McCain felt what this nation really needs now is a vice president who looks like Tina Fey." --David Letterman
"Let me ask you a question: is it just me, or does Sarah Palin look like a model for LensCrafters?" --David Letterman
"What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull? A pitbull would make a better vice president." -Mike Ball
"She kept reaching out to Joe Sixpack. That's because her answers make more sense after six beers." --David Letterman
"Alaska Gov. Sarah Pallin is John McCain's choice. Here's what we know about her: her name is Sarah Palin." --Jay Leno
"Not only is she young, they're saying she's the prettiest candidate for Vice President since John Edwards." -Jimmy Kimmel
Of course Sarah Palin knows something about defense - after all, in high school she was on the basketball team. (InnocentEnglish)
"Sarah Palin, she's getting ready for tomorrow's debate. I understand she now knows all three branches of government." --Jay Leno
"Here's how it works. Election is Tuesday. And then Wednesday is the first day of Sarah Palin's 2012 campaign." --David Letterman
"I see they're selling Sarah Palin action figures. Sad incident at Toys R Us today -- a Sarah Palin doll shot My Little Pony." -Jimmy Kimmel
"Of course, everybody now is speculating what the future of the GOP will be. GOP now stands for, of course, 'Ganging up on Palin.'" --Jay Leno
Alaska's largest newspaper has endorsed Barack Obama. Luckily for Sarah Palin, it's one of the 500 newspapers she doesn't read. (Conan O'Brien)
If the only difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull is the lipstick, maybe hockey moms shouldn't be allowed anywhere near children! (unknown)
"Turns out Gov. Palin is a lifelong member of the NRA and a longtime hunter. Another vice president who's a hunter, what could go wrong there?" -Jay Leno
"People all over the world are celebrating Barack Obama's victory. In fact, Sarah Palin watched the Russians celebrating from her house." --David Letterman
"And the big guns are out. The Democrats have sent Hillary to Florida to go after Sarah Palin. So, that makes two Clintons trying to nail her now." --Jay Leno
"And you've got to love this: Sarah Palin is an avid hunter. An avid hunter. A vice president who likes guns? Well, what could go wrong there?" --David Letterman
Speaking of Sarah Palin, she said she's a life-long member of the National Rifle Association. Which may explain why she's in favor of shotgun weddings." -Jay Leno
Well in that interview, you know, Sarah Palin couldn't name a single newspaper she read ... which wouldn't be so bad, except her major was in - journalism. (Jay Leno)
"Actually, it was kind of a smart choice. McCain went with a woman because he didn't want to have to be in a position to have to get CPR from Mitt Romney." -Jay Leno
"Speaking of Sarah Palin, she said she's a life-long member of the National Rifle Association. Which may explain why she's in favor of shotgun weddings." --Conan O'Brien
"Sarah Palin actually watched the debates very closely. Actually she watched with one eye the debate and the other eye across on Russia, because you never know." --Jay Leno
Hugh Hefner asked Sarah Palin to pose as a centerfold in Playboy. She declined, saying that at the moment, she was too busy posing as a Vice-Presidential candidate. (Jay Leno)
"Even though Governor Palin is not expected to do particularly well in tomorrow night's debate, she is favored heavily in Friday night's swimsuit competition." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Oh, and all those Internet photos of Sarah Palin in a bikini holding a gun. But they are all photoshopped. Like those photos of Bill and Hillary dancing, all fake." --Jay Leno
"They asked her if she would be able to explain how she once lobbied Washington for earmarks, and she said, 'W'll cross that bridge to nowhere when we come to it'" -Jay Leno
To prepare for the VP debate, Sarah Palin's been out at John McCain's place in Arizona; she said that looking at the desert gave her a real feel for the Middle East. (Jay Leno)
"Actually, Sarah Palin was pretty upset last night. Did you see her? Yeah, well, she wasn't upset because she lost. Now she's got to give all of her clothes back." --Jay Leno
"For some reason, the Secret Service revealed that Sarah Palin's Secret Service code name is 'Denali.' Turns out 'Denali' is an old Eskimo name that means Dan Quayle." Jay Leno
"A farmer in Ohio has carved a corn maze in his field in the likeness of Sarah Palin. The way it works? You you enter and suddenly realize you're way over your head." --Amy Poehler
"Stock prices are down, major companies are being purchased by the government. It is a bear market and, I have to say, Sarah Palin is just the lady to shoot it for us." --Jimmy Kimmel
"She looks like one of those women in the Van Halen videos who takes off her glasses, shakes out her hair, and then all of a sudden, she's in high heels and a bikini." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Are you excited about Sarah Palin? Well, yesterday she referred to Afghanistan as our neighboring country. Apparently, she can see bin Laden's cave from her house." --David Letterman
"I don't know if Palin is ready. You know you're in trouble, debating like this, you know you're in trouble when your debate goal is to do as well as Dan Quayle did." --David Letterman
"Earlier tonight, I don't know if you saw it, Sarah Palin gave a tremendous speech to the Republicans, though some are claiming it was actually her daughter's speech." --David Letterman
"Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin today said she thinks the economy needs some shaking up and some fixin'. I'm pretty sure is also her recipe for oven-baked chicken." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Hey, let me tell you something. If all you need to do to become vice president is be a former beauty queen with a tanning bed, then I'm casting my vote for Ryan Seacrest!" --Jimmy Kimmel
For some reason, the Secret Service revealed this, that Sarah Palin's Secret Service code name is 'Denali.' Turns out 'Denali' is an old Eskimo name that means 'Dan Quayle.' (Jay Leno)
"Actually, Sarah Palin is currently rehearsing for the debate, but insiders tell me it's not going that well because she keeps saying, 'I'd like to buy a vowel, Pat.'" --David Letterman
"You know who is really, really happy that John McCain did not win last night? The boyfriend of Sarah Palin's daughter. He doesn't have to get married now. 'Whew, thank God!'" --Jay Leno
"During the debate, Palin winked, wrinkled her nose, and gave a shout-out to a third-grade class. Well, you know, that says commander-in-chief to me right there. You betcha!" --David Letterman
And in describing her beautiful Alaskan home, Sarah Palin said when she stands on her porch she can see the moon. Do you know what that means? She's now qualified to be an astronaut. (Jay Leno)
"For some reason, the Secret Service revealed this, that Sarah Palin's Secret Service code name is 'Denali.' Turns out 'Denali' is an old Eskimo name that means 'Dan Quayle.'" --Jay Leno
"Alaska's largest newspaper has endorsed Barack Obama despite the fact that their governor is Sarah Palin. Luckily for Palin, it's one of the 500 newspapers she doesn't read." --Conan O'Brien
"But we're learning more and more about Sarah Palin, boy, are we. Listen to this: it turns out she and her entire family once had a chair-throwing brawl on 'Jerry Springer.'" --David Letterman
"Governor Sarah Palin gave her speech tonight at the GOP Convention, and it gave people who didn't know anything about her the chance to finally meet her, you know, like John McCain." --Jay Leno
John McCain and Sarah Palin attended a campaign rally in Vienna, Ohio, today. They were in Vienna. Apparently, they went to Vienna so Sarah Palin could get some foreign policy experience. (Jay Leno)
"We have the big vice presidential debate coming up on Thursday, and Sarah Palin is busy preparing. Right now, for example, she is practicing her caribou-caught-in-the-lights look." --David Letterman
"John McCain and Sarah Palin attended a campaign rally in Vienna, Ohio, today. They were in Vienna. Apparently, they went to Vienna so Sarah Palin could get some foreign policy experience." --Jay Leno

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