Office Jokes!Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose your job. Recovery is when Obama loses his job!
At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital.. While the IRS agent was checking the books he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said, "I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?" "Good question," noted the CFO. "We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every now and then they send us a free box of bandages." "Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way. "What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?" "Ah, yes," replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We save it and send it back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free package of plaster." "I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CFO. "Well," he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?" "Here, too, we do not waste," answered the CFO. "What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."
Jesus is coming! look busy!
There is always one more bug.
The other line always moves faster.
43% of all statistics are worthless!
Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise!
The only real errors are human errors.
Meetings, a practical alternative to work!
The one you want is never the one on sale.
There is nothing so habit-forming as money.
Do not put statements in the negative form!
It's lonely at the top but you eat better!
There is no limit to how bad things can get.
There is no such thing as instant experience.
I need someone really bad. are you really bad?
There are no winners in life...only survivors.
The most interesting results happen only once.
The one item you want is never the one on sale.
There is no problem a good miracle can't solve.
The workbench is always untidier than last time.
A thing not worth doing isn't worth doing well!
The one thing that money can not buy is poverty.
The more you run over a cat, the flatter it gets.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success!
Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?
The sun goes down just when you need it the most.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer!
There is always one more idiot than you counted on.
There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else.
Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking?
Seen it all. done it all. can't remember most of it!
The solving of a problem lies in finding the solvers.
I don't have a solution, but i do admire the problem!
The person not here is the one working on the problem.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job!
There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrnog.
The tasks and chores that get rewarded, get done first.
There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrrong.
The one who does the least work will get the most credit.
There is no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
Fun Things To Hide In Your Boss' Office: A stained dress.
If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already!
The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
There is a right way, a wrong way, and my way to do everything.
Office wisdom: Show me a good loser and I'll show you a LOSER!
The most important item in an order will no longer be available.
There is no evidence to support the notion that life is serious.
The Aquinas Axiom: What the gods get away with, the cows don't.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
The only important information in a hierarchy is who knows what.
The more vital your research, the less people will understand it.