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Life Jokes!

Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down!
The two most abundant things in all the universe are hydrogen and stupidity!
You can do anything except light a paper match on a marshmallow under water!
No matter how hard you try, every once in a while, something is going right!
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot!
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research!
A mistake (or series of mistakes) is the simpler and more likely explanation!
The best way to succeed in life is to start from scratch and keep scratching!
Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids!
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to press on it!
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun!
The pen stings worse than the sword, especially when you get ink in your eye!
If it looks easy, it's tough. If it looks tough, it's damn near impossible!
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end!
The mud that won't come off on the doormat immediately adheres to the carpet!
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets!
The most abundant things in the universe are hydrogen, stupidity and opinions!
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something!
Time is Nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't go wrong at once!
Never argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able tell the difference!
Life is like hemorrhoids: sometimes even the little crap can be really painful!
A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work!
You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter!
He who angers you controls you, there-fore you have no control over your anger!
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement!
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom!
If anything can go wrong it will, and when it does, the woman will get the blame!
There are two rules for ultimate success in life. Never tell everything you know!
You may come to terms with being screwed, but nevertheless you're still screwed!
It is not what a teenager knows that bothers his parents, it is how he found out!
This site won't open when you want to show someone what exactly Murphy laws are!
When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly!
If your looking for more than one thing, you'll find the most important one last!
The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby!
Every village has a village idiot, except in Washington D.C. where idiot is plural!
Just remember: You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the neighbor's car!
It takes forever to learn the rules and once you've learned them they change again!
Keep your words soft and sweet 'cause you never know when you'll have to eat 'em!
If a Murphy law is tried to be used to have a desired outcome, the law will backfire!
If you say something, and stake your reputation on it, you will lose your reputation!
The person ahead of you in the queue, will have the most complex transaction possible!
The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress!
Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks two sizes!
Everything that could possibly go wrong for anyone else always seems to happen to you!
The hardest thing in life is to do nothing - 'cause you never know when your finished!
If for some reason Murphy's Law fails to operate, it is building up for something big!
Always take time to stop and smell the roses and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee!
If you think you are doing the right thing, chances are it will back-fire in your face!
When waiting for traffic, chances are that when one lane clears the other is congested!
The more important it is to get to a website, the greater the chance the server is down!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read!
When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
If in a particular circumstance Murphy's law don't apply, then something must be wrong!
If your action has a 50% possibility of being correct, you will be wrong 75% of the time!
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble!


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