Life Jokes!You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
Common sense isn't!
Nothing ever gets better!
Mother nature is a bitch!
What goes in must come out!
A bird in the hand is messy!
Dead owls don't give a hoot!
Life is sexually transmitted!
No good deed goes unpunished!
I doubt, therefore I might be!
Nothing is as easy as it looks!
A closed mouth gathers no feet!
You cant reason with the stupid!
You just haven't been notified!
West is always East of somewhere!
A Smith and Wesson beats four aces!
Reality is something you overcome!
Two wrongs are only the beginning!
You're only lost if you admit it!
The other line always moves faster!
Things always go from bad to worse!
Instruction manuals are for losers!
Every solution breeds new problems!
He who hesitates is probably right.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be!
Where patience fails, force prevails!
Never lick a gift horse in the mouth!
Indecision is the key to flexibility!
If Murphy's Law can go wrong it will!
Everything takes longer than it takes!
Knowing Murphy's Law will never help!
Its never so bad it couldn't be worse!
A fool and his money are soon partying!
Everything takes longer than you think!
The fish are always biting....yesterday!
A penny saved is a government oversight!
Whatever was supposed to happen, won't!
One good turn gets most of the blankets!
Insanity is my only means of relaxation!
You get all the credit for the dumb move!
Things are never as good as they are bad!
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw!
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong!
Age is important only if you're a cheese!
Sooner or later, you will spill your beer!
Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong!
Happiness is merely the remission of pain!
The gene pool could use a little chlorine!
Sometimes too much to drink is not enough!
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing!
Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes!
Everything tastes more or less like chicken!