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Life Jokes!

In order for something to get clean, something else must get dirty!
Laughter is the cure for everything--unless you have a sore throat!
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it!
If you don't know where you're going, any road will get you there!
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried!
You will find an easy way to do it, after you've finished doing it!
There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation!
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody!
It is possible for everything to get dirty and nothing to get clean!
If you go to bed with an itchy ass, you wake up with smelly fingers!
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it!
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it!
The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance!
Opinions are indeed, like assholes. Some are just bigger than others!
The only times something's right, is when everyone agrees its wrong!
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself!
When you see light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel will cave in!
You will never find any more loose change than you have already lost!
If many things can go wrong, they will all go wrong at the same time!
Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney!
The right to be heard does not include the right to be taken seriously!
When you wear new shoes for the first time, everyone will step on them!
Anything that cant possible in a million years go wrong, will go wrong!
Whatever you want, you can't have, what you can have, you don't want!
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness!
If you're living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat belt!
If at first you don't succeed destroy all evidence that you ever tried!
The cost of the hair do is directly related to the strength of the wind!
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread!
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first!
Go ahead and take risks. Just be sure that everything will turn out okay!
In order to get a personal loan, you must first prove you don't need it!
Great ideas are never remembered and dumb statements are never forgotten!
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame!
Anything that seems right, is putting you into a false sense of security!
The file you are looking for is always at the bottom of the largest pile!
If anything can go wrong it will go wrong when Mr. Murphy is out of town!
Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker!
Any time you put an item in a "safe place", it will never be seen again!
Traffic is inversely proportional to how late you are, or are going to be!
Every time I think about exercise, I lie down 'til the thought goes away!
You cannot force Murphy's Law to happen and you can't use it in reverse!
A spoon placed in the sink will locate to maximize splash from the faucet!
Whether things can go wrong or not, it depends on your frame of reference!
The difference between Stupidity and Genius is that Genius has its limits!
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious!
Remember the "Boomer-rang" effect; Whatever you do will always come back!
Whenever you cut your finger nails, you find a need for them an hour later!
A man usually feels better after a few winks, especially if she winks back!
If gravity is all around us, why can't you push a fat dog down the stairs?
Don't let the beaten dog see the stick, blind him with pepper spray first!
There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over!
The only price you pay for greatness is knowing that it can't last forever!
The world isn't crazy, only 90% of it. The other 10% is certifiably insane!
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles!
Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought!


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