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Life Jokes!

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth!
Just because you CAN do something doesn't mean you should!
And on the eighth day God said;"O.K. Murphy, you take over!
If anything was worth doing, it would've already been done!
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone!
Murphy's golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules!
The universe is great enough for all possibilities to exist!
If you apply Murphy's Law, it will no longer be applicable!
You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever!
There are two kinds of pedestrians...the quick and the dead!
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today!
Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it!
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard!
Keep a smile on your face. It would look funny anywhere else!
Wind velocity increases directly with the cost of the hairdo!
Life is like a shower - one wrong move and your in hot water!
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague!
Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference!
Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician!
Garbage abhors a vacuum. It will grow to fill available space!
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere!
A person without values or standards can never be a hypocrite!
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening!
Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get!
If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything!
Two wrongs don't make a right. It usually takes three or four!
Things are more like they are today than they ever were before!
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups!
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film!
Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things!
If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway!
There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full!
In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it!
If you want something bad enough, chances are you won't get it!
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes!
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler!
If at first you don't succeed ... well, so much for sky diving!
Politics is not an exact science, it s more like a sex ed. class!
If something is likely to happen and desirable, it won't happen!
You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track!
If anything can go wrong, it will happen to the crankiest person!
The clothes washer/dryer will only eat one of each pair of socks!
It's amazing what you can accomplish when you've got no choice!
Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane!
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid doing altogether!
Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world!
A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage!
If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up!
Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are!
Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately, it kills all its students!
Don't let go of something until you have a hold of something else!
The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open!
When saying that things can not possibly get any worse - they will!
This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land!


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