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Life Jokes!

When things go from bad to worse, the cycle repeats!
Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain!
Decay is inherent in all things, strive unceasingly!
Those who don't take decisions never make mistakes!
All horizontal surfaces shall be filled to capacity!
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed!
Women like silent men, they think they're listening!
The more space you have, the more junk you'll have!!
No matter how hard you try, you cannot push a string!
Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone!
It is much easier to apologize than to ask permission!
If the truth is in your favor no one will believe you!
If you can remain calm, you don't have all the facts!
It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere!
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on!
The letter box is always on the other side of the road!
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory!
I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart!
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs!
Birds of a feather flock together and shit on your car!
Having the right of way, won't make you any less dead!
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with!
It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot!
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home!
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse!
Never knock on Death's door; ring the doorbell and run!
It's hard to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man!
There's no speed limit on the Information Superhighway!
Find your aim in life, before you run out of ammunition!
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else!
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway!
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!
Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet!
Those who know the least will always know it the loudest!
A knowledge of Murphy's Law is no help in any situation!
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot!
You will always find something in the last place you look!
It's not the drop that kills you.... its the sudden stop!
Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree!
Anyone who isn't paranoid simply isn't paying attention!
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work!
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking!
We can give you a diploma, but we can't give you a brain!
An expert is someone with an opinion and a word processor!
If you want people to think you are wise, agree with them!
Every rule has an exception except the Rule of Exceptions!
If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts!
Just when you think things cannot get any worse, they will!
The only time you're right, is when its about being wrong!
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view!
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism!
Two heads are better than one, even if one is a sheep head!


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