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Life Jokes!

If all else fails, hit it with a big hammer!
No one is listening until you make a mistake!
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity!
Paper is always strongest at the perforation!
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor!
The light at the end of the tunnel is a train!
Anything worth doing is well worth over-doing!
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps!
When things are going right, you won't notice!
Don't get into a pissing contest with a skunk!
A misconception is not a form of birth control!
To know Murphy's Law is to draw its attention!
Every problem is replaceable with a bigger one!
If Murphy's law is right then it will go wrong!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate!
Shin - Device for finding furniture in the dark!
If breasts had no nipples, they'd be pointless!
The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant!
If it's not one thing, it's you mother-in-law!
Being dead right, won't make you any less dead!
If you think talk is cheap, try hiring a lawyer!
The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep!
The road to success is always under construction!
Anything over-done isn't worth the extra effort!
Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show!
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change!
Window polishing: It's always on the other side!
Beauty is only skin deep, fashion even shallower!
The big catastrophes are made up of smaller ones!
All things being equal, fat people use more soap!
If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway!
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate!
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional!
The wind will always blow opposite to your hairdo!
Advice is free: The right answer will cost plenty!
Nothing is so screwed up that it can't get worse!
Ants will always infest the nearest food cupboard!
Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself!
The perversity of the universe tends to a maximum!
Trust only those who stand to lose as much as you!
If everything seems great, its already gone wrong!
Chaos always wins, because it's better organized!
If authority was mass, stupidity would be gravity!
No degree of acceptance can ever change the facts!
Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany!
If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast!
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life!
If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway!
If you re-act to actions, you've acted on actions!
Laundry Math:1 Washer + 1 Dryer + 2 Socks = 1 Sock!
Any thing that can go wrong, has already gone wrong!
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine!
All pornography is air-brushed or computer-enhanced!


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