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Jessica Simpson Jokes!

How do you get Jessica Simpson out of a tree? Wave.
What do you call a zit on a Jessica Simpson's ass? A brain tumor.
Why did Jessica Simpson drive into the ditch? To turn the blinker off.
Why did Jessica Simpson stop using the pill? Because it kept falling out.
How do you confuse Jessica Simpson? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
What did Jessica Simpson say when she ran into the wall at the lake? DAM!
How do you make Jessica Simpson's eyes twinkle? Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Did you here about the time Jessica Simpson shot an arrow into the air? She missed.
Why did Jessica Simpson wear condoms on her ears? So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Why is Jessica Simpson's brain the size of a pea in the morning? It swells at night.
Why did Jessica Simpson scale the chain-link fence? To see what was on the other side.
Why can't Jessica Simpson put in a light bulb? She keeps breaking them with the hammers.
Why did Jessica Simpson call the welfare office? She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
What did Jessica Simpson say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
What do Jessica Simpson and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
What is the difference between Jessica Simpson and an inflatable doll? About 2 cans of hair spray
What did Jessica Simpson do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.
Jessica Simpson recently signed up for golf lessons. Perfect. She already has the high waist pants.
Why does Jessica Simpson keep a coat hanger in her back seat? In case she locks the keys in her car.
Why does Jessica Simpson always smile during lightning storms? She thinks her picture is being taken.
Why was Jessica Simpson upset when she finally got her Driver's License? Because she got an F in sex.
Why did Jessica Simpson tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH? Jessica Simpson going through a flashing red light.
Why did Jessica Simpson try and steal a police car? She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Did you hear Jessica Simpson almost drowned the other day? Someone put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of her pool.
Jessica, why did you move to L.A.? Oh, I just thought I should try to live in a city that I can usually remember how to spell.
Why did Jessica Simpson have tire tread marks on her back? From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Tony Romo said that he's completely behind Jessica Simpson. Because she's now big enough to play center for the Dallas Cowboys.
Why didn't Jessica Simpson want a window seat on the plane? She'd just dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Why did Jessica Simpson get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
What did the Jessica Simpson say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'? 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'
Jessica Simpson ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Rumors continue to swirl that Jessica Simpson is expecting Tony Romo's baby. Given her size, we wouldn't be surprised if she was expecting his octuplets.
Jessica Simpson forgot her lyrics, mumbled through songs, and fought back tears during a performance Thursday. Attendees called it a typical Ashlee Simpson concert.
Tony Romo was recently spotted leaving a steakhouse in Dallas carrying a bottle of 21-year-old single malt Scotch. We hope the Scotch has aged better than Jessica Simpson.
Jessica Simpson said she sent mass e-mails before Cowboys games last season asking friends to pray for Tony Romo's protection. The emails worked so well, Romo got to go home a month early.
A Tokyo park has started playing an unbearable, high-pitched tone at night that only young people can hear to help drive away teenagers who keep vandalizing the toilets and other facilities. If that doesn't work, authorities say they will begin playing Jessica Simpson records.
Jessica Simpson was eight hours late to a photo shoot in San Diego. She arrived dirty and exhausted. When asked what happened she said, "Well I thought I'd just drive down from L.A. but I kept passing damn signs that said "Clean Restrooms ahead." I must have cleaned like 15 of them."
Tomorrow Secretary of the Treasury Timothy Geithner is expected to make several recommendations to improve the economy: Lehman Brothers be replaced with the Jonas Brothers More aid to the Big Three: Ford, GM, and Jessica Simpson Anyone that misuses stimulus money will have to answer to Joe Biden and Chris Brown
An Entertainment Tonight reporter was interviewing Jessica Simpson recently, When Jessica took off her shows. The reporter noticed each shoe had written inside, in small letters, TGIF, and asked Jessica about it. "Oh, that?" Jessica replied. Just a little helpful reminder, because I can be pretty sleepy in the mornings. It means Toes Go in First.
Jessica Simpson was driving to Disneyland for a commercial when she saw a big highway sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT." Disappointed, she turned around and drove back home. Photographers staked out in front of Jessica Simpson's new house yesterday saw her come out and walk to her mailbox, and then go back in. She repeated this five times. One of the photographers yelled "What are you doing Jessica?" She yelled back "My stupid computer keeps telling me I've got mail.
Jessica Simpson came close to death today while horseback riding. She was enjoying a leisurely ride, when the horse started bouncing out of control. Her agent said Jessica attempted to hold on, but failed, and fell off the side of the horse. Her foot got caught in the stirrup as she fell. The horse didn't stop, and her head was on the ground. Jessica started screaming for help Make him stop! Make him stop! Please somebody! Fortunately, a Wal-mart greeter heard her, and unplugged it.

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