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Hockey Jokes!

Disadvantages of being a hockey goaltender: Jealous back-up's that hide your cup, causing "puck castration"
Why the NHL should include Arkansas in future expansion plans: At least players would be paid in U.S. dollars.
Comments from Washington Capitals fans: To say the Caps got spanked is to say we lost a few lives at Normandy!
Complaints of playing for Mike Keenan: Being sent down to the IHL or AHL is starting to look really appealing!
Reason hockey is superior to football: If he played football, coaches would probably make Tyson Nash a kicker!
Disadvantages of being a hockey goaltender: Always annoying death threats from fans upon steping onto the ice!
Disadvantages of being a hockey goaltender: Always annoying death threats from opposition upon stopping a 2-1!
You know the fans will be out of hand when...fans start holding up signs saying, "Will stop pucks for Beer!"
Things worse than Pronger breaking his ankle: Jeffio in charge of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms!
Things Carolinians do instead of watching hockey: Argue over whether Dale Earnhardt is better than Mark Martin!
Disadvantages of being a hockey goaltender: Always annoying death threats from teammates upon letting in a 2-1!
Reasons hockey is catching on in Texas: They're finally starting to get sick of watching reruns of "Dallas!"
Ways the NHL could award losing teams with one point: When losing team's fans outdrink the other team's fans.
Complaints of playing for Mike Keenan: He decides nobody deserves the Captaincy, so he gives himself the "C".
Signs you household name recognition is low: Even announcers refer to you as "That guy with that wicked name!"
Things Chris Cheliso likes about playing in Detroit: Michigan won't extradite him on those kiddie-porn charges!
Comments heard at the NHL All-Star game: Just think how hard MacInnis could hit it if he had a healthy shoulder!
Signs you household name recognition is low: Team trainers won't let you into practice unless you get the coach!
You know you've been in the minors too long when...you've been Team Captain in the minors for the last 5 years!
Annoying things about playing in Buffalo: You keep looking up at the big scoreboard, just in case it falls again!
Pet peeves of hockey goaltenders: Fans who ask, "Can I have your autograph, Mr. Roy?" (Said like it's spelled)
You know your new teammate is a rookie when...He thinks preseason games have an "awfully high intesnity level!"
Ways the NHL could award losing teams with one point: When losing team outshoots, outhits, and outplays opponent.
Things Chris Cheliso likes about playing in Detroit: Chili restaurant health inspectors are much easier to bribe!
Reasons Phoenix Coyote fans wear white: They don't want to wear anything darker than Nikolai Khabibulin's face.
Pet peeves of hockey goaltenders: When trainer replaces normal water in bottle with sparkling Folger's Crystals!
Advantages of being a hockey goaltender: Helmet allows you to double as Darth Vader in any upcoming "Star Wars".
Reasons why they score on you: Misunderstood "Butterfly save"; now sad to report one less monarch flying around!
Comments from Washington Capitals fans: Nauseating? Like watching Roseanne Bar at an all-you-can-eat-grits buffet!
Kevin Steven's pickup lines: I swear they changed that rule, princess. Now I can be in the crease anytime I want!
Things worse than Pronger breaking his ankle: Going into battle and finding out your commander is Richard Simmons!
Reasons why the Flyers hired Roger Neilson as head coach: Because of all those Stanley Cups Neilson won as a coach!
Hockey terms Canadians should know: Instant Replay-- New electronic means to prove on-ice officials' incompetence!
Ways the NHL could award losing teams with one point: When Towel Boy decides to end it all and jumps over the rail.
Pet peeves of hockey goaltenders: Players at parties who want to turn mask upside-down and fill it up with bean dip!
Hockey terms Canadians should know: Puck-- Nickname for the millionaire who sold Gretsky to millionaire now in jail!
Things Bob Bassen hears during a game: "That's it! I've taken all the shit I'm gonna take from you. Let's go!"
Reasons Phoenix Coyote fans wear white: As tacky as the team's sweaters are, they sure as hell wouldn't wear them.
Hockey terms Canadians should know: Redline-- Mark on new sweater from leaning over Wet Paint sign at penalty bench!
What the LA Kings like about their new building: Tommy Lasorda always seen stuffing his face at the new food courts.
Why the NHL should include Arkansas in future expansion plans: The Arkansas Coon Hounds would be such a catchy name.
Things Brian Sutter will say to Darryl at Christmas: "Touch that last piece of ham and I'll carve your liver out."
Disadvantages of being a hockey goaltender: When you flip the ref the bird behind the blocker, they can't even tell!
Complaints of playing for Mike Keenan: Practice sessions and skate-arounds with live explosions and ammunition fired!
Reasons hockey is catching on in Texas: They don't call any icing or offsides so the Texans can understand the game!
Things Brian Sutter will say to Darryl at Christmas: "We may really suck, but at least we're better than Chicago."
Reason hockey is superior to football: Ok, you tell me: Sudden-death playoff hockey or sudden-death playoff football?
Things Chris Cheliso likes about playing in Detroit: Will have an excuse to get a divorce after Shanny bangs his wife!
Things Chris Cheliso likes about playing in Detroit: The Detroit River isn't nearly as polluted as the Chicago River!
Comments from Washington Capitals fans: Dispassionate? Worse than a love scene between Anne Heche and Michael Jackson!
Ways Scotty Bowman spent time while healing: Scratching Toe Blake's name out of the records books and writing his in!
Reason hockey is superior to football: Four incompetent guys in striped shirts are more than enough to have to endure!
Hockey terms Canadians should know: Boarding-- What a new player to town does until after having his first team party!
Marty McSorely excuses for the slash on Donald Brashear: "I wanted to see just how hard that boy's head really is."
Things Chris Cheliso likes about playing in Detroit: Detroit's high murder rate makes watching the news much more fun!
What the LA Kings like about their new building: They haven't been swept in the playoffs in their new building -- yet.

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