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Hockey Jokes!

Reasons hockey is catching on in Texas: Due to visa problems, Paul Stewart isn't allowed in Texas!
What the LA Kings like about their new building: Figure they can't do any worse in a new building.
Hockey terms Canadians should know: Wraparound--Visors worn by Europeans which piss off Don Cherry!
You know your new teammate is a rookie when...You find him duct-taped to his locker after practice!
Annoying things about playing in Buffalo: Playing in an arena with the word "Marine" in its name!
Least popular items at The Blue Note Sports Shop: Actual tiles from the Arena's men's room floor!
Top hockey golie gifts: Blaine Lacher's newest instructional video: "Riding the Pine with Style"
You know you've been in the minors too long when...Mike Keenan is coach or GM in your parent club!
Things grant Fuhr says to Wing players: You like apples? I stopped you cold. How 'bout them apples?
Claude Lemieux's "To do list" before the playoffs: Pick out golf courses to play while suspended!
Hockey terms Canadians should know: Europeans-- Skilled players who refuse to watch Coach's Corner!
Hockey terms Canadians should know: Jock-- Scot who enjoys a wee dram before, during and after game!
Hockey terms Canadians should know: Zamboni-- Machine used to fill arena with noxious, poison fumes!
Top hockey golie gifts: Dominic Hasek's newest instructional video: "Ugly goaltending made easy."
Things Bob Bassen hears during a game: "Does Ken Hitchcock really eat that much after every game?"
Things Carolinians do instead of watching hockey: Abuse tourists heading from New England to Florida!
Claude Lemieux's "To do list" before the playoffs: Remove the target from the back of his sweater!
Hockey terms Canadians should know: Blueline-- Mark on ribcage from leaning over bar, replaying game!
You know your new teammate is a rookie when...He thinks being sent down to Las Vegas is a good thing!
Reasons why they score on you: Misunderstood use of trapper; let in a goal, but got a lovely fur coat!
Annoying things about playing in Buffalo: Having to duck at flying swords on "Sabre Giveaway Night!"
Top religious promotions we would like to see: Spanish Inquisition Burn An Infidel At The Stake Night!
Annoying things about playing in Buffalo: Crowds are so quiet you can hear Niagara Falls during games!
Things grant Fuhr says to Wing players: I've won almost as many Cups as your whole team put together!
Annoying things about playing in Buffalo: Nickname doesn't exactly strike fear into opponents hearts!
Things Bob Bassen hears during a game: "You'll stay down if you know what's good for you, Bassen."
Ways Scotty Bowman spent time while healing: Praying to God to protect Mike Ilitch and his fat wallet!
Reasons Phoenix Coyote fans wear white: They want everyone to be damn sure they aren't Red Wings fans.
Reasons hockey is catching on in Texas: High school football only runs from September through December!
Reason hockey is superior to football: Who wants to watch guys who need a week between games to recover?
Things Chris Cheliso likes about playing in Detroit: No longer has to play in the shadow of Doug Zmolek!
Reasons Phoenix Coyote fans wear white: They want to be white, uptight, and out-of-sight (like tampons).
Least popular items at The Blue Note Sports Shop: Mystery Grab Bag -- stuff found in Mike Peluso's hair!
You know your new teammate is a rookie when...He keeps asking "Can I drive the Zamboni...can I please?"
Signs you household name recognition is low: Getting put on the Disabled List gets you the most publicity!
Reasons why they score on you: My defense and I got involved in the "Tastes great, less filling" Debate!
Reasons why the Flyers hired Roger Neilson as head coach: Everybody wants Neilson's hairdressing secrets!
Ways the NHL could award losing teams with one point: When they hit two goal posts in the same power play.
Hockey terms Canadians should know: Gross Misconduct-- The sometimes carryings on of very rich role models!
Hockey terms Canadians should know: #@$%&#-- What religious kids say after missing net in Week 2 of season!
What the LA Kings like about their new building: Now get to treat fans to state-of-the-art disappointments.
Top hockey golie gifts: Chia Pet (hey, everyone loves chia pets). Ice packs, Ice packs, and more ice packs.
Marty McSorely excuses for the slash on Donald Brashear: "I wanted to show Tonya Harding how it's done."
What the LA Kings like about their new building: No longer have to play in front of the ghost of Bob Berry.
Reason hockey is better than sex: The protective equipment is reusable, and you don't even have to wash it!
Comments heard at the NHL All-Star game: I hear the Olympic groupies are even easier than All-Star groupies!
Complaints of playing for Mike Keenan: You want to shove some of that ice he chews down his freaking throat!
Hockey terms Canadians should know: Original Six-- Pre-inflation case of Red Cap ale; now called a Two-Four!
Top religious promotions we would like to see: Catholic Chug-A-Lug/Chuck-A-Luck Drinking And Gambling Night!
Top religious promotions we would like to see: Muslim Burn An Effigy Of A Great Satan (U.S.A.) Leader Night!
Reason Florida Panters are for sale: The average fan in South Florida dies quicker than they can be replaced!
You know you've been in the minors too long when...your coach says you are too valuable a player to send up!
Reason hockey is superior to football: Football players are so damn ugly they're all required to wear masks!
Marty McSorely excuses for the slash on Donald Brashear: "Hey, just playing a little 'old time hockey.' "
You know the fans will be out of hand when...a couple fans are stumbling around demanding to see Gary Bettman!
Advantages of being a hockey goaltender: Can check out the babes (or guys) rinkside without them even knowing.

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