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Hockey Jokes!

Pet peeves of hockey goaltenders: Drunk fans who toss Hostess Ding Dongs towards the net!
Ways Scotty Bowman spent time while healing: Calling Marc Crawford with phony job offers!
Ways Scotty Bowman spent time while healing: Keeping his wife away from Brendan Shanahan!
Signs your uniforms aren't the best: Your new primary colors are Mauve and Forest Green!
Least popular items at The Blue Note Sports Shop: Giant ball of used tape from the 1980s!
Least popular items at The Blue Note Sports Shop: Bernie Federko's Favorite Tofu Recipes!
Claude Lemieux's "To do list" before the playoffs: Practice speed skating/running away!
Things Bob Bassen hears during a game: "Do you have to teach Nash all your dirty tricks?"
Reason hockey is superior to football: When's the last time you saw a 100 m.p.h. football?
Reason hockey is superior to football: Name just one decent fight in a football game, ever!
Hockey terms Canadians should know: Scoreboard-- Place for annoying company signs and logos!
Overheard in the Blues locker room after All-Star selections were announced: "I so hoppy!"
Things Carolinians do instead of watching hockey: Brag about their college basketball teams!
Reasons Phoenix Coyote fans wear white: It sure as hell isn't because they're all virgins.
You know the fans will be out of hand when...It's "Beer for a Nickel" night at the arena!
Signs your uniforms aren't the best: Your new logo is a big ring of targets on your chests!
Advantages of being a hockey goaltender: Padding gives the impression you're really buffed.
Reason Florida Panters are for sale: "Cats on Ice" can only play off-Broadway for so long!
Reason Florida Panters are for sale: Actually, it's reported there are $175 million reasons!
Top religious promotions we would like to see: Jehovah's Witness Pester Your Neighbor Night!
Things grant Fuhr says to Wing players: Want me to get you guys some tee times for next week?
Reason hockey is superior to football: Too many boring names like Smith and Jones in the NFL!
Advantages of being a hockey goaltender: Bruises can really bring out the color in your eyes.
You know the fans will be out of hand when...your home fans cheer when the other team scores!
Comments from Washington Capitals fans: Amateurish? Like a high school production of "Rent!"
What the LA Kings like about their new building: The rats aren't any bigger than Al Morganti.
Reasons why they score on you: Slipped on this damn ice; someone should get some salt on that!
Comments heard at the NHL All-Star game: Hey, World Team! INS is here looking for green cards!
Things Brian Sutter will say to Darryl at Christmas: "We may suck, but we work really hard."
You know the fans will be out of hand when...fans are booing the Pee-Wee games between periods!
Disadvantages of being a hockey goaltender: Paterity suits from the mother of the Uniroyal man!
Signs your uniforms aren't the best: Fans say, "You look as good as the Colorado Avalanche!"
Advantages of being a hockey goaltender: Slash all you want; they send someone else to the box.
Things Carolinians do instead of watching hockey: Drive around in a futile search for Mayberry!
Things Bob Bassen hears during a game: "Don't worry about 41. He ain't no threat to score."
You know your new teammate is a rookie when...He thinks "Road Trips" means traveling via bus!
Signs you household name recognition is low: You fail to show up to practice and nobody notices!
Annoying things about playing in Buffalo: "LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA... Pat LaFontaine with the goal!"
Signs you household name recognition is low: You are sent down to the minors and nobody notices!
Hockey terms Canadians should know: Shoot-- What religious kids say after missing wide-open net!
Reasons why the Flyers hired Roger Neilson as head coach: It was Neilson's turn to be recycled!
Hockey terms Canadians should know: Slapshot-- Movie poking fun at Canada's national past-time!
Ways Scotty Bowman spent time while healing: Plenty of work with his elbow and wrist in private!
Top religious promotions we would like to see: Church Of Jeffio Nickel Beer/Two-Bit Whore Night!
Signs you household name recognition is low: Goalies keep mistaking you as the equipment manager!
Things grant Fuhr says to Wing players: I would have stopped that shot from the red line in '96!
Annoying things about playing in Buffalo: Play doesn't strike fear into opponents hearts either!
Pet peeves of hockey goaltenders: T-shirts that say, "Goaltenders do it with their glove hand!"
Reason Florida Panters are for sale: Tired of hearing his team referred to as the Florida Pussys!
Least popular items at The Blue Note Sports Shop: Glenn Hall autographed barf bags (slightly used)
Things Bob Bassen hears during a game: "I'll be damned. You are head and shoulders above Theo."
Reasons hockey is catching on in Texas: They started serving chili and Lone Star at Reunion Arena!
Claude Lemieux's "To do list" before the playoffs: Get a bigger, stronger, thicker face-shield!
Top religious promotions we would like to see: Lutheran Wish We Were Still Really Catholics Night!
Reasons Phoenix Coyote fans wear white: It makes it a lot easier when they have to surrender again.
Reasons Phoenix Coyote fans wear white: It's in honor of all those blizzards they have in Phoenix.

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