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Hockey Jokes!

Hockey terms Canadians should know: Deke-- "The Enforcer"--leads league in PIMs!
Comments heard at the NHL All-Star game: U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! Oh, sorry. N-A! N-A!
Top hockey golie gifts: SPF 30 sunscreen, for that annoying back of the neck burn.
Comments heard at the NHL All-Star game: Think even Ty Gretzky could take Lindros?
Things Carolinians do instead of watching hockey: Enter tobacco spitting contests!
Things Chris Cheliso likes about playing in Detroit: Way more green-teethed women!
Reasons why they score on you: Tried to read the "Vulcanised" label on the side!
Signs your uniforms aren't the best: Fans start chanting "We want fish-sticks!"
Things Bob Bassen hears during a game: "When you grow up, come back and see me."
Signs your uniforms aren't the best: You long to be traded to the Sharks or Kings!
Things Carolinians do instead of watching hockey: Visit Michael Jordon's hometown!
Reason hockey is better than sex: You know you're finished when the buzzer sounds!
Reasons hockey is catching on in Texas: Did you see the Cowboys' record this year?
Advantages of being a hockey goaltender: Can get inventive nickname like "Eddie".
Annoying things about playing in Buffalo: Get nauseous watching Hasek play in goal!
Comments from Washington Capitals fans: Sloppy? Like the Waco hostage negotiations!
Least popular items at The Blue Note Sports Shop: Mike Keenan's L'il Dictator Kit!
Reasons Phoenix Coyote fans wear white: It really makes their green teeth stand out.
Hockey terms Canadians should know: Offside-- Hitting on the team owner's daughter!
Ways Scotty Bowman spent time while healing: Practicing berating players in Russian!
Cool use for a Zamboni: Scaring the heck out of ice-level broadcasters and analysts!
Claude Lemieux's "To do list" before the playoffs: Work on his diving techniques!
Comments heard at the NHL All-Star game: These goofy helmets make us look like Devo!
Things Bob Bassen hears during a game: "How's a little guy like you hit so hard?"
Claude Lemieux's "To do list" before the playoffs: Mail out the referees' bribes!
Complaints of playing for Mike Keenan: He makes more money than our Franchise Player!
Hockey terms Canadians should know: Net-- The 25% which goes to winner of 50-50 draw!
What the LA Kings like about their new building: Great place to watch the riots from.
Things worse than Pronger breaking his ankle: Jim Campbell as your designated driver!
Things Carolinians do instead of watching hockey: Watch their Hee-Haw tape collection!
Things worse than Pronger breaking his ankle: Harry York as the Blues top-line center!
Ways Scotty Bowman spent time while healing: Eating steak and laughing at his doctors!
Top religious promotions we would like to see: Jewish Everything Kosher Is Free Night!
Cool use for a Zamboni: Chasing squirrels around the arena parking lot after practice!
Reasons hockey is catching on in Texas: Discounted tickets for people who don't bathe!
Complaints of playing for Mike Keenan: Drafts a forward from Mongolia in the 1st Round!
Comments from Washington Capitals fans: Annoying? Like an Old Navy commercial marathon!
Top religious promotions we would like to see: Hindu All You Can Eat Beef Streak Night!
Pet peeves of hockey goaltenders: Pads give appearance that they have really big butts!
Ways Scotty Bowman spent time while healing: Reading up on hair-restoration techniques!
Things worse than Pronger breaking his ankle: The Fat Guy shaking sweat into your beer!
You know your new teammate is a rookie when...He thinks Coach is a "Pretty good guy!"
Least popular items at The Blue Note Sports Shop: Tapes of Ron Jacober's greatest hits!
Hockey terms Canadians should know: Bodycheck-- Test rink boards, glass, for durability!
Reasons why they score on you: Wait, I'm the back-up! Go talk to El-Sieve-o over there!
Marty McSorely excuses for the slash on Donald Brashear: "Uhhhhh . . . I'm an idiot."
Things grant Fuhr says to Wing players: Won't be seeing any octopi today, will we boys?
Comments from Washington Capitals fans: Disastrous? We got sympathy cards from Ethiopia!
Comments heard at the NHL All-Star game: Dude, I'm trippin'! The puck has a blue tail!
Comments from Washington Capitals fans: Agonizing? Like a vasectomy with a butter knife!
Things Carolinians do instead of watching hockey: Chase revenuers away from their stills!
Reason hockey is superior to football: Players carrying weapons are always more exciting!
Disadvantages of being a hockey goaltender: Smart-Asses that toss beach balls at the net!
Top religious promotions we would like to see: Irish Protestant Blow Up A Catholic Night!
Signs your uniforms aren't the best: A little kid sees you and says "Look ma, Barney!"

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