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French Jokes!

The train was quite crowded, and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed, middle-aged, French woman, but when he got there, he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat." The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat available was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired." She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!" This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down. The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!" An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up. "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
How do you keep a Frenchman in suspense?
How do you stop a French tank? Say, "Boo!"
What does "Maginot" mean in English? Welcome!
How does a Frenchman hold his liquor? By the ears.
What's green, cold, slimy and croaks? A Frenchman!
How do you sink a French battleship? Put it in water!
How do you ruin a French party? Flush the punch bowl!
What do you do if you drive over a Frenchman? Reverse!
Why do Frenchmen wear yellow ties? To match the teeth!
Where can you find 60,100,000 French jokes? In France.
Bumper sticker: "Save the Crepes - Eat A Frenchmen!"
What is the most watched movie in France? The Running Man!
What's the shortest book ever written? French War Heroes!
A French firing squad stands in a circle, then surrenders!
The French are to warfare what the British are to cooking!
French Military History in a Nutshell: The Dutch War: Tied.
Where can you find over 59 million French jokes? In France.
Why do the French Smell? So blind people can hate them too!
How do you castrate a Frenchmen? Kick his sister in the jaw!
What's the definition of confusion? Father's day in Paris.
How do you break a Frenchman's finger? Hit him on the nose.
What can the Frenchmen can do in 5 minutes? Surrender twice.
How do you break a Frenchman's finger? Hit him on the nose!
What time is the Frenchman's watch set to? 5 minutes to One
Why do Frenchmen wear berets? So they know which end to wipe.
How can you identify a French Infantryman? Sunburned armpits.
How long does it take a French woman to take a dump? 9 months!
What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad? A salesman!
How many German and Frenchmen died in World War II? Not Enough!
France has usually been governed by prostitutes." - Mark Twain
How do you brainwash a Frenchman? Fill up his boots with water!
How are French babies born? With their hands up (surrendering).
Why did the French start using garlic? To improve their breath.
How many wars have the French won? One - The French Revolution.
How do you brainwash a Frenchman? Fill up his boots with water.
"As far as France is concerned, you're right." -Rush Limbaugh
How do you get a one-armed Frenchman out of a tree? Wave to him.
How do you stop a French tank? Shoot the guy that's pushing it!
Why does the French Navy suck? Because cardboard doesn't float!
What Does "Maginot Line" mean in French? "Speed bump ahead."
What do you call a Frenchman with 1500 girl friends? A shepherd.
Why don't the French eat M&M candies? They're too hard to peel!
What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? The Army!
Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.
How do you sink an American battleship? Have the French build it.
What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? The Army.
Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France!
Why are the French afraid of soap? They have never seen it before!
Why do French men have mustaches? To remind them of their mothers!
How many jokes are there about the French? One, the rest are true!
What did France used to be called? Germany, and then we saved them.
What's the easiest way to get lung cancer? Breath the air in Paris!
Why do the French cook with lots of garlic? To improve their breath!
How do you separate the men from the boys in France? With a crowbar!
Why do the French have huge heads? To accommodate their huge mouths.
How do you get a Frenchman out of a bathtub? Throw in a bar of soap!
How do you introduce yourself in French? "Don't shoot, I give up!"
Why does the French Navy the worst? Because cardboard doesn't float!
How do you get a Frenchman out of a bath tub? Throw in a bar of soap.
Did you hear about England's new zoo? They put a fence around France.
Did you hear bout the French Kamikaze? He flew 30 successful missions!
What English word has no equivalent in the French language? Gratitude.
How do you get a French waiter's attention? Start ordering in German!

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