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IN THE HOLE! Golf


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Farmer Jokes!

Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville, MS. and bought a mule for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day. The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night." Curtis &Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule." The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?" Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off." The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!" Leroy said, "We shore can! Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!" A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked. "What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?" They said,"We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do.." Leroy said,"Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898." The farmer said,"My Lord, didn't anyone complain?" Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back." Curtis and Leroy now work for the government. They're overseeing the Bailout Program.
What has four legs and flies? A pig!
Who tells chicken jokes? Comedihens!
What do you give a sick pig? Oinkment!
How do chickens dance? Chick to chick!
Where do sheep get shorn? At the baa baas!
What kind of doctor treats ducks? A quack!
What is a cow's favourite TV show? Dr Moo!
What do you call an arctic cow? An Eskimoo!
What do you call a pig thief? A hamburglar!
What is a pigs favorite ballet? Swine Lake!
Where do milkshakes come from? Excited cows!
What's a cows favourite vegetable? A cowat!
What is another name for a cow? A lawn-mooer!
What kind of tie does a pig wear? Pig's tie!
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
Which dance will a chicken not do? The foxtrot!
Why does a rooster watch TV? For hentertainment!
What do you get from an Alaskan cow? Cold cream!
What is a duck's favorite dance? The quackstep!
How do you take a pig to hospital? By hambulance!
Where do you take sick ponies? To the horsepital!
What do you call a crazy chicken? A cuckoo-cluck!
What do you call a chicken in a shellsuit? An egg!
What do you get from a drunk chicken? Scotch eggs!
What is a horse's favourite sport? Stable tennis!
What game do cows play at parties? Moosical chairs!
How do sheep keep warm in winter? Central bleating!
Why did the bull rush? Because it saw the cow slip!
What do you give a pony with a cold? Cough Stirrup!
What kind of bird lays electric eggs? A battery hen!
What do you call a pig that took a plane? Swine flu!
Where does a woodsman keep his pigs? In a hog cabin!
What do you call a crate of ducks? A box of quackers!
Where do cows go on a Saturday night? To the moo-vies!
Why did the foal cough? Because he was a little horse!
What do you call a sheep with no legs or head? A cloud!
What do you call sheep that live together? Pen friends!
What do you call a joke book for chickens? A yolk book!
What do you call a bull who tells jokes? Laugh-a-bull! I
Why did Bo Peep lose her sheep? She had a crook with her!
What do you call a pig with no clothes on? Streaky bacon!
Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out forest fires!
Why are farmers cruel? Because they pull corn by the ears!
What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on? A horse!
How do you fit more pigs on your farm? Build a sty-scraper!
What is the slowest racehorse in the world? A clotheshorse!
What do cows like to dance to? Any kind of moosic you like!
Why did the pig go to the casino? To play the slop machine!
What do you get if you cross a hen with a dog? Pooched eggs!
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He has got no beef.
How does the pig farmer get to the fair? He rides piggyback!
What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? Laughing stock.
What do you get if you all sit under a cow? A pat on the head!
What do you call the story of The Three Little Pigs? A pigtail!
What do you get if you cross a steer with a tadpole? A bullfrog!

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