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To submit a joke for inclusion on this website, please use the form below. Simply add your name or email address, the joke, and then hit the "SUBMIT" button! Your joke will be added to these pages! Enjoy the website!

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Dating Jokes!

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Stop."
Man: "What sign were you born under?" Woman: "No Parking."
How do you spot the blind man at a nudist colony? It isn't hard.
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I'm being deported."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but my patent is pending."
What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I have to floss my pets"
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but none of my socks match."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but the grunion are running."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I have to jog my memory."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but my subconscious says no."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I'm trying to cut down."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I'm sandblasting my oven."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but my uncle escaped... again."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I have to rotate my crops."
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I prefer to remain an enigma."
Man: "So what do you do for a living?" Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I'm going to be old someday."
Man: "Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today."
How can you piss off your wife while making love? Call her from your cell phone.
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I'm building a pig from a kit."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but my yucca plant is feeling yucky."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I've been traded to Cincinnati."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but my bathroom tiles need grouting."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but my favorite commercial is on TV."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I'm teaching my ferret to yodel."
Man: "Your place or mine?" Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
Man: "May I see you pretty soon?" Woman: Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but having fun gives me prickly heat."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I have to study for a blood test."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I have to sit up with a sick ant."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I'm having my baby shoes bronzed."
What is the best thing about dating a homeless woman? You can drop her off anywhere.
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I'm having all my plants neutered."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but It's my parakeet's bowling night."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I'm touring China with a wok band."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I left my body in my other clothes."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I'm getting my overalls overhauled."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I'm worried about my vertical hold."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I'll be looking for a parking space."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book."
What's the down side to a threesome? You could disappoint two women instead of just one.
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I'm up to my eardrums in waxy buildup."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but my Millard Filmore Fan Club meets then."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I don't want to leave my comfort zone."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I never go out on days that end in "Y."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I have to stay home and see if I snore."
How do you know you're really ugly? Dogs close their eyes when they're humping your leg.
Man: "Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the Free Clinic."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but the last time I went, I never came back."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but my Dress For Obscurity class meets then."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I want to spend more time with my blender."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I have to go to court for kitty littering."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Ohhh! You're so right. I want you to leave."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but it's too close to the turn of the century."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I'm trying desperately to be less popular."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you. Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you." Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner."
What should a woman say to a man she's just had sex with? Whatever she wants. He's sleeping.
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I've got a Friends of the Rutabaga meeting."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I'm attending the opening of my garage door."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but my plot to take over the world is thickening."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I promised to help a friend re-fold road maps."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawl."
Excuse to get out of a date: "I'd love to but the nice man on television told me to say tuned."

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