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Christmas Jokes!

Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E? Because the angel had said,"No L!"
What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? A pineapple!
Why are turkeys wiser than chickens? Ever heard of Kentucky Fried Turkey?
What do sheep say to each other at Christmastime? Merry Christmas to ewe!
What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper? Ribbon hood.
What's happens if you eat the Christmas decorations? You get tinsel-itus!
What do you have in December that's not in any other month? The letter D!
How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming? He looks at his calen-deer!
Father to three-year old: "No a reindeer is not a horse with TV antenna."
What does Dracula write on his Christmas cards? Best vicious of the season!
Knock Knock, Who's there? Wenceslas. Wenceslas who? Wenceslas train home?
What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh? Santa caught in a revolving door!
What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve? Black mail!
Knock Knock, Who's there? Igloo. Igloo who? Igloo Suzie like I knew Suzie!
What do you call the fear of getting stuck in a chimney? Santaclaustrophobia
Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low 'elf' esteem.
What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney? Pour Santa flush on him.
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa Clues!
What do you sing at a snowman's birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow!
What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve? Okay everyone, sack time!
How long should a reindeer's legs be? Just long enough to reach the ground!
What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney? Pour Santa flush on him!
Why did the reindeer wear black boots? Because his brown ones were all muddy!
What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve? Okay everyone, sack time!!
Knock Knock, Who's there? Snow. Snow who? Snow business like show business !
Why does Scrooge love all of the reindeer? Because every buck is dear to him!
Why did the elf put his bed into the fireplace? He wanted to sleep like a log!
Christmas: When you exchange hellos with strangers and good buys with friends.
Why do reindeer wear fur coats? Because they would look silly in plastic macs!
How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day? Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve!
What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake Tarzipan!
Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas? No you can have turkey like everyone else!
What did Adam say to his girlfriend on December 24th? "It's Christmas! Eve."
What did one Christmas light say to the other Christmas light? You light me up!
Some Pick-Up Lines From Santa's Elves: "I can get you off the Naughty List."
Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace? He wanted to sleep like a log.
Some Pick-Up Lines From Santa's Elves: "I taught Santa everything he knows."
What happens if you eat too many Christmas decorations? You get "Tinsel"-itis!
Why couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party? He had no body to go with!
What's Christmas called in England? Yule Britannia! (English Christmas Humour!)
Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas? Because they both have "Sandy claws!"!
What did the big cracker say to the little cracker? My pop is bigger than yours!
What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus? We'll have a boo Christmas without you!
Why did Santa Claus take his Christmas tree to the dentist? To get a root canal.
What did the guest sing at the Eskimo's Christmas party? Freeze a jolly fellow!
What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar at Christmas? He got 12 months!
Knock Knock, Who's there? Rudolph. Rudolph who? Money is the Rudolph of all evil!
What do reindeer always say before telling you a joke? This one will sleigh you!
Some Pick-Up Lines From Santa's Elves: "You'd look great in a Raggedy Ann wig."
What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when the fire is lit? Crisp Cringle!
Father Christmas won a saucepan in a competition. Now thats what you call pot luck!
"Do you ever buy any Christmas Seals?" "No, I wouldn't know how to feed them."
Knock knock! Who's there? Snow. Snow who? Snow use, I've forgotten my name again!
What does it mean when the flag is at half-mast at the post office? They're hiring.
What happened when Guy ate the Christmas decorations? He went down with tinsel-itis.
Why should Christmas dinner always be well done? So you can say "Merry Crispness!"


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