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Christmas Jokes!

Whats the best thing to put into a Christmas cake? Your teeth!
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws!
What do monkeys sing at Christmas? Jungle Bells, Jungle bells!
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
What do you give a reindeer with an upset tummy? Elk-a-seltzer!
Why is Santa like a bear on Christmas Eve? Because he's Sooty!
Did you hear about Dracula's Christmas party? It was a scream!
Who delivers an elephant's Christmas presents? Elephanta Claus!
Knock Knock, Who's there? Wayne. Wayne who? Wayne in a manger!
Why is the month of December so popular? It has a lot of dates.
Where do you find reindeer? It depends on where you leave them!
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws!
Where do you find giant snails? On the ends of giant's fingers.
A Christmas thought: STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.
What do elephants sing at Christmas? No-elephants, no elephants!
What's the first thing elves learn in school? The "elf"-abet!
When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving? In the dictionary!
What's the best thing to put into Christmas dinner? Your teeth!
What do reindeer have that no other animals have? Baby reindeer!
What do you call Santa Claus when he doesn't move? Santa Pause!
What's impossible to overtake at Christmas? The three wide men!
What's red and white and gives presents to gazelles? Santelope!
What's red, white and blue at Christmas time? A sad candy cane!
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
Why is it always cold at Christmas? Because it's in Decemberrrr!
How did the chickens dance at the Christmas party? Chick to chick!
Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters? They both drop needles!
Why is it so cold on Christmas? Because it's in Decembrrrrrrrrrr!
What is the purpose of reindeer? It makes the grass grow, sweetie.
What's the favourite Christmas Carol of new parents? Silent Night!
What kind of Christmas tree comes from Hawaii? "O Tanning Palms!"
Why do Mummies like Christmas so much? Because of all the wrapping!
Christmas Signs: Outside a church: "The Original Christmas Club."
Knock Knock, Who's there? Avery. Avery who? Avery merry Christmas!
What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time? Sandy Claus!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney? Because it soots him!
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!
Why is a reindeer like a gossip? Because they are both tail bearers!
What is a webmaster's favourite hymn? Oh, dot com all ye faithful!
Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor? He was feeling crummy.
Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey - he's always stuffed!
What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Can you smell carrot?
Why do reindeer wear fur coats? Because they look silly in snowsuits!
What do sheep say to shepherds at Christmastime? Season's Bleatings!
How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed? You wake up wet!
How do sheep greet each other at Christmas? A merry Christmas to ewe!
What do angry mice send to each other in December? Cross mouse cards!
Why do birds fly south for the winter ? Because it's to far to walk.
What's the most popular wine at Christmas? "I don't like sprouts!"
What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas? Cross mouse cards!
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic!
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas? Deep and crisp and even!
What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a detective? Santa Clues!
What goes ho-ho whoosh, ho-ho whoosh? Santa caught in a revolving door!
How does a snowman lose weight? He waits for the weather to get warmer!
Knock Knock, Who's there? Holly. Holly who? Holly-days are here again!
Knock Knock, Who's there? Donut. Donut who? Donut open till Christmas!
Knock Knock, Who's there? Oakham. Oakham who? Oakham all ye faithfull!
Christmas Signs: A reducing salon: "24 Shaping Days until Christmas."
Every year, Christmas becomes less a birthday and more a Clearance Sale.
Knock Knock. Who's there? Donut. Donut who? Donut open 'til Christmas!
Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.
A definition of Christmas: The time when everyone gets "Santa"-mental.
Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters? They both drop their needles!
Why couldn't the butterfly go to the Chistmas ball? It was a moth ball!
Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem!
What does a cat on the beach have in common with Christmas? Sandy claws!
How long should an elf's legs be? Just long enough to reach the ground!
What did the big candle say to the little candle? I'm going out tonight!


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