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To submit a joke for inclusion on this website, please use the form below. Simply add your name or email address, the joke, and then hit the "SUBMIT" button! Your joke will be added to these pages! Enjoy the website!

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Animal Jokes!

This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said, "Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare." So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in color, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no frigging clue who their Daddy's are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My dogs get their first checks on Friday. Damn, this is a great country!
What days do fish hate? Fry-days!
What do frogs do with paper? Rip-it!
Do one-legged ducks swim in circles?
What kind of bees make milk? Boobies!
What do stylish frogs wear? Jumpsuits!
What's green and red? A very mad frog!
What is a crocodiles favorite game? Snap!
Where do hamsters come from? Hamsterdam!
What is a frog's favorite game? Croaket!
What do you call a bear with no ears? B!
What is a frog's favorite time? Leap Year!
What is a dog's favorite job? A Rufferee!
What do you call a frog with legs? Dinner!
What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!
What holiday do dogs like best? Howl-a-ween!
In Minnesota, it's illegal to tease skunks!
What kind of shoes do frogs wear? Open toad!
What do whales like to chew? Blubber gum!
What do you call a very old ant? An antique!
What kind of snake is good at math? An adder!
What do you call a sleepy bull? A bull dozer!
Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor!
Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep!
What do you call a gay dinosaur? Mega-sore-ass!
Why dogs are better than kids: Dogs cannot lie!
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit-bull!
What does an elephant use for a Tampon? A sheep!
Where do Batman's goldfish live? In the bat tub!
Why do elephants drink so much? To try to forget!
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
What's striped and jumps? A zebra with hiccups!
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No-eye deer!
What is a whale's favorite food? A sub sandwich!
What's green with bumps? A frog with the measles!
What is a mosquito's favorite hobby? Skin diving!
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk!
In Arizona, it is illegal to shoot or hunt camels!
Why did the duck eat snow? It was yellow like him!
How does a hedgehog play leap-frog? Very carefully!
What has six eyes but cannot see? Three blind mice!
What do kittens like to put on their burgers? Catsup!
What sound does a Horny Toad make? RUB IT, RUB IT!
What do you call an elephant in a phone box? Stuck!
How do you call a barber cat? Yell..."Hair Kitty!"
What do cat actors say on stage? Tabby or not tabby!
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall? Dam!
What is brown and sits in the forest? Winnie's poo!
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them!
Why are frogs such liars? Because they are amFIBians!
Which state has a lot of dogs and cats? Petsylvania!
What do you call a cat who does tricks? A magic kit!
What do English cats drink in the afternoon? Kit-tea!
What do you call a cat that can jump far? A catapult!

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